not_nerdy

How do you move on from something you thought "this is it", like the universe made it happen for you after years of waiting.
          	I feel I am disrespecting the universe coz it gave me exactly what I wanted and yet....it is causing me so much trouble. 
          	You know, i am all okay. I crack jokes with my close ones, work hard in office, attend meetings but there are two things that are wrong : i cry almost every night thinking what have I done thats so wrong....and I am not able to write.
          	I have completed 1550 words of the chapter, but it is not complete and i struggle to write. I am sort of pushing myself now. 
          	But....the grief has consumed a part of me. 
          	I am asking God to forgive me if I have done something wrong but get me out of this pain and the heartbreak coz it came from my most special person. Lol my heart hurts.
          	I try to show everyone that everything is normal. But it's getting exhausting. Somedays, i feel numb. Somedays, i feel so much hurt.

hwanggeum_world

@not_nerdy Sometimes the things we hold onto most desperately have the power to destroy us completely.. I have been in that state where I felt so powerful cuz the demons which I had to fight were the ones I held so close.. I was trapped.. on one side I wanted to leave everything and hold onto whatever dignity I had in me but on the other side I wanted to feel that safety and comfort from my loved one even if it hurt me. I used to cry every night thinking where I went wrong and is the problem with me and all.. I was scared of confronting them cuz I felt like everything would break and I will lose them forever but day by day it became so hard for me to even stay near them cuz all I could feel was how lonely and desperate I was... I started comparing myself to my past self like I was so happy and carefree before if only I could go back in time and all.. never once I had the courage to blame them.. but later it all started hurting so much that everyday I hoped for a miracle to happen or to just end my life.. soon I found a light in my dark self.. I started prioritising myself more and I became selfish.. I cut off all the ties i had with them and I felt like coming back to life.. no more hurting.. now I see them everyday and they do affect me to some point but it does not hurt anymore I just feel longing which is more bearable than every pain they gave me.. I don't know why I'm saying all this.. but I wanted to vent it out somehow...
• Reply

Sukaabcdef

@not_nerdy Girl vent it out completely. Forgive nd if u can't forget, let the thoughts come, observe and stay detached to those emotions. Don't avoid any feeling, the more u push the more painful it becomes. Come to terms with it. U yourself said "this is it", slightly rephrase" So this is how it is, it's ok, I got this, I am fine, it's jst a feeling , let it pass, I am becoming better everyday".
          	  
          	  U got this :). It's not easy but not impossible, u can change it, only u can help yourself
• Reply

swaggioncestay

Don't worry everything will be alright with time . You are best. Don't stress out. Relax.  Take your time
• Reply

not_nerdy

How do you move on from something you thought "this is it", like the universe made it happen for you after years of waiting.
          I feel I am disrespecting the universe coz it gave me exactly what I wanted and yet....it is causing me so much trouble. 
          You know, i am all okay. I crack jokes with my close ones, work hard in office, attend meetings but there are two things that are wrong : i cry almost every night thinking what have I done thats so wrong....and I am not able to write.
          I have completed 1550 words of the chapter, but it is not complete and i struggle to write. I am sort of pushing myself now. 
          But....the grief has consumed a part of me. 
          I am asking God to forgive me if I have done something wrong but get me out of this pain and the heartbreak coz it came from my most special person. Lol my heart hurts.
          I try to show everyone that everything is normal. But it's getting exhausting. Somedays, i feel numb. Somedays, i feel so much hurt.

hwanggeum_world

@not_nerdy Sometimes the things we hold onto most desperately have the power to destroy us completely.. I have been in that state where I felt so powerful cuz the demons which I had to fight were the ones I held so close.. I was trapped.. on one side I wanted to leave everything and hold onto whatever dignity I had in me but on the other side I wanted to feel that safety and comfort from my loved one even if it hurt me. I used to cry every night thinking where I went wrong and is the problem with me and all.. I was scared of confronting them cuz I felt like everything would break and I will lose them forever but day by day it became so hard for me to even stay near them cuz all I could feel was how lonely and desperate I was... I started comparing myself to my past self like I was so happy and carefree before if only I could go back in time and all.. never once I had the courage to blame them.. but later it all started hurting so much that everyday I hoped for a miracle to happen or to just end my life.. soon I found a light in my dark self.. I started prioritising myself more and I became selfish.. I cut off all the ties i had with them and I felt like coming back to life.. no more hurting.. now I see them everyday and they do affect me to some point but it does not hurt anymore I just feel longing which is more bearable than every pain they gave me.. I don't know why I'm saying all this.. but I wanted to vent it out somehow...
• Reply

Sukaabcdef

@not_nerdy Girl vent it out completely. Forgive nd if u can't forget, let the thoughts come, observe and stay detached to those emotions. Don't avoid any feeling, the more u push the more painful it becomes. Come to terms with it. U yourself said "this is it", slightly rephrase" So this is how it is, it's ok, I got this, I am fine, it's jst a feeling , let it pass, I am becoming better everyday".
            
            U got this :). It's not easy but not impossible, u can change it, only u can help yourself
• Reply

swaggioncestay

Don't worry everything will be alright with time . You are best. Don't stress out. Relax.  Take your time
• Reply

KanchanYadav600

Author update?

not_nerdy

@KanchanYadav600 I will try to update next week.
• Reply

KanchanYadav600

@KanchanYadav600 aein  kya kehna chahti ho author
• Reply

not_nerdy

@KanchanYadav600 hi!! I am trying to finish the chapter, hopefully by next week. But no guarantee
• Reply