@not_so_smol_taeconda I feel so lucky to have you in my life... thank you, love! You’re such a cutiepie.
Ahem, can I... can I eat you up? You just sound too delicious for some reason~
Wait, what? You put a plastic cup in the microwave—why am I not even surprised? (Gives you a knowing look)
Me, a kind soul? Haha, that’s a huge joke!
Uff... I know, love, everyone deserves happiness, and I really appreciate you caring so much about me. But honestly, I’m just so tired—it’s all so overwhelming. Sometimes, it feels like the only way I can really feel is through pain, like I don't deserve to be loved.
—Whenever someone shows me affection, especially face-to-face, I feel like they’re faking it. My past has put so much pressure on me...
—Losing my dad at just 12, having my first crush humiliate me and break my heart at such a vulnerable time, breaking up with my first boyfriend two years later... And being the eldest daughter, I have to be the best, make my mom proud, help my brother succeed, and keep it all together. I have to be okay, no matter what!
—So, yeah, sometimes it’s just a headache, and my poor heart... it doesn’t want to leave its comfort zone anymore. It’s too scared to be broken again, too scared to lose itself. Maybe, I can’t even risk a little peek outside that safety.
So, here I am, all... all fine and happy.
I've learned to embrace the pain, and somehow, it feels like that's what keeps me going.
But really, thank you for being there for me, love. It means a lot♡