Normally, we would be all brooding and mysterious and leave this intro column empty. Gives off a necessary secretive vibe, you know. But Valentino convinced me that would come off as "lame" 



So, here's the thing...



First off, don't read beyond this if you value your life, your family, your friends and your secret porn stash.

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Awesome.



At least now I know I can trust you.



You're brave. You're stupid. Two qualities that are essential if you want to make it alive after we're done telling you some of the most gruesome, appalling, outrageous and repulsive tales ever known- or well, not known- in the history of mankind. 



And when I use the word tales some of you- probably the over smart ones- might assume that we are making these stories up.



Well, I tell those cumdumpsters to go fuck themselves.



But remember, if, even after my warning, you keep on reading ahead, then we would not be held responsible if you get kidnapped by ruthless villains we constantly insult and had your dicks -or tits, depending on the gender- cut off and fed to ugly hellhounds. 



Just thought I'd make it clear.



Moving on, as you probably gathered from the name, I can safely inform you that we are not going to reveal who we really are. 



Sure, we could tell some trivial things but we can't tell you our real names. Why? 



Well, we can hardly expose ourselves to ruthless villains who could cut off our beloved body parts, can we?



So, here you are. That's us. Now, please take my advice and leave this profile. Better yet, throw your phone away as far as you can. Because what's coming is going to leave your head spinning. (That rhymed.)



To everyone who still insists to read the books on: Just remember, I warned you.



Mwah!