nujo0m

i realize this is life, there is no place to call back home, no place to call back mom, calling dad leaves feeling like a person who a has disappointed him. there is no way in this life that i will go hug my mother again. i will never rest om her lap, she is not there anywhere waiting for to come back home. 
          
          even at home, i have insighted that only things wait for me. my washing machine, sofa, bed, utensils, my journals and pens and books. 
          
          no one calls me to show me something they find happiness in, no one gets reminded of me, i know i must sound like a pathetic narcissist, but where else will i vent? 

i want to go home. i want to leave. i am fine by myself. 

why so cold? why? why doesn't anyone care? why doesn't anyone ask? why? I fear I am being forgotten. I am afraid I have become a shadow. 

I will be back. soon. 

the messages you convey thru your poems are beautiful:)) 

nobody comes home since you've left mona, im not someone important 

i guess i know my fault. i want proof that i am loved

monajo, i hope you were proud of me i hope i was enough i hope you forgive me i hope you remember me i hope i was the child you wamted i hope so much i start wishing. i wish you were here i wish you could defend for me from him i wish you would still live to see what could be i wish you were just here i wish so much i start missing. i miss you i miss your lap i miss your scent on your clothes i miss your warmth i miss your presence i miss having you in this house. it feels like we both accomplished all this just for me to be alone. what did we accomplish if you're not here anymore? im doing so much and people cant see and it feels like im not doing anything at all. i have become a burden. i was only ever a child to you. i really am alone. monajo. 

i acnt be vrying i cant be shaking i cant

times like these... when i desperately want to hear my mum, want to just have her with me again... i miss her. i miss the void she's left. no pain like this one.