Лора

I would like to be a corpse 
          a ghost girl, wandering around, taking care of the ones I love, just not feeling any of the things I feel
          I would like to be resting forever, without feelings, just watching everything happen and participating blindly in people's lives
          but at the same time I want to experience the good things I have, enjoy everything, be happy and a lively girl, despite everything.

I'm not enough...
          maybe not for people, maybe in people's minds I'm more than enough 
          but for me, I'm not. I don't even come close to that
          It hurts so much to think that the people I love deserve someone better than me
          It hurts a lot to think that I tire people, that I just bother everyone.

 in the land in the land where the ground is cold 
          we will all be buried and become just bones
          so what are we, humans? we are a big piece of shit 
          and I'm a girl, interrupted.
          
          

my heart calls your name all the time
          I want to be with you and I want to touch you 
          I want to have you with me forever.
          I feel something for you in my chest that's hard to explain
          I love feeling, it's charming, it's beautiful and sweet
          I'm grateful every day for having you in my life.

my thoughts fly, they echo throughout my entire body and I realize the power of my mind 
          I have so much stuff inside, what is it?
          my question will never have an answer 
          I'm cursed but I'm used to it 
          and this curse is my greatest partner.

In the darkest depths of my mind I can't find solace, I can't find strength 
          I hear voices that aren't mine all the time, it's like I have a parasite, another person living inside my mind
          I don't know how to control it because the voices are getting louder 
          I don't know how to control this because I'm weak 
          I see things in my head that I've never seen in real life.

Now, how many times do I have to repeat it to myself to stop being like this?
          okay, I can't be fixed, but I can't live like this my whole life
          it hurts, it tires, it weakens 
          

I feel my blood rush, I close my eyes and everything becomes darkness, I feel the wind hit my face and when it blows my bangs back 
          I let the breeze carry away my impurities, fears and traumas 
          But anyway, I feel unreal, like I'm in another dimension 
          like I'm watching myself from the outside 
          like I weren't alive.
          

the forest is dark and there's no fairies around 
          At least I have some things to make me happy
          but sometimes, I remember when I was a child and the only worry was not hurting my knee 
          I miss it even though I know I'll never get it back 
          I changed, things changed, life changed 
          I hope I'm happy this time.
          
                         - the crazy bitch.