lylia

i love with my heart (cons)

im too much of a lover girl 

sumpah dah tanak suka orang 

i masuk matriks btw gais

takut 

this year tak balik :(( best nya kalau bole balik kelantan

ill just save this here for my future self who might doubt plan cause u balik malaysia and boom u got kerja already 

payahla

that bar waiter was the most attractive side character for me 

now that im watching the edits, i cant help but say even the 5 seconds screen time characters were HOTTIES 

 im happy when hes happy im sad when hes holding his tears like he hold me bad okay i love him pls do a lot more soft heart character 

forever grateful that nobody compared me to anyone. atleast those who i care about also care about me. oh andd baba did gave me 50 hihi lupa nak tulis 

then we chit chat about the result. i told them about what i thought about my result. i told them i thought i would failed addmath. i thought i wont even get passed C for pai. i was shocked that out of 3 science subjects, my biology was the highest. padahal bio tak study mana pun. my parents responded very well. they said my result is very good. they said its hard to even get 1A so getting more than that are enough. i dont doubt that they are proud of me. its just that, i knew they were trying to make me feel enough. they dont want me to feel upset because they know me. they know i wanted more than what i got. and that makes me sad. seeing how they were trying to make me feel good. i went to sleep after that. after i woke up, baba bought me a cake with a note written on it. "congrats mek, love u - baba" and that makes me feel like crying. sebab sedih. he tried his best to make me feel enough. but i still didnt cry. i dont wanna cry in front of them. i acted happy. we ate the cake. then baba came to me and kiss me both on the cheeks. after that ibu kiss me too. and i teared up a bit but managed to control it sebab aku sumpah tanak nangis depan diorang. they must feel even sadder if i cried in front of them. so here i am, crying while writing this. i love u ibu baba. 

got my spm result today. i already lower my own expectation actually. it was already on the ground for me. i made it clear to my parents that i cant achieve what they wanted. they also said its okay. they dont mind it at all. they are okay with anything for the result. to me, what my parents think are all that matters. i dont care about others. but i got nervous when the clock strikes at 10 a.m. cause somehow im afraid my result will be that bad. like, too bad that i cant accept it myself. it took me some minutes to actually click on the link. then i put my ic and angka giliran right away. then there it is.. my result. i took a 10 seconds stare at my result before telling my parents. they said its good. i didnt cry. i thought i would cry but i didnt. im okay with my parents telling my uncles and aunties after that. whats there to hide anyway, right? before that, my dad said if i got 9A then he will give me 90 ringgit. so i said if i got 5A then 50 ringgit ke? he said why would u got 5A? but i know what he means by that. he dont want me to downgrade myself before knowing the truth. 

not very much nervous