Well, I've been absent from Wattpad for quite a while. I've been thinking about the past a lot, and also the present, and how I feel, and how I've been perceiving my feelings. It's so strange because all that happened over the last year and a half is just so.. strange. what'd i do? force myself into depression for attention because i was so lonely, have lots of crushes, realize i'm gay, but what was all that for? it was for nothing, because the truth is that i'm aromantic asexual. I thought for so long that first, I was straight, and then I thought I was bisexual, and then that i was lesbian. and now, i realize. my "crushes" on people have all been just "aw i love them..." I thought wanting to kiss someone was a forced feeling. I thought wanting to do anything remotely romantic with someone was a forced feeling. I just thought it was normal, and in that then I severely hurt a friendship, and I hurt another person. All I've ever had for anyone are platonic feelings and it took me this long to realize it. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you by losing feelings. (talking to two people in particular here) But I also want you to know that I'm not heartless. I wanted a relationship. I wanted to be close to one person, and have all the things a relationship had. I wanted that. But now I realize that all I want is a best friend. Which I can never have due to how i'm utterly socially inept. But I was heartbroken when I realized I would never have romantic feelings. It took so long for me to grasp, and now that I finally do, sort of. It's still hard. Anyway, talk to y'all later
