offpitch

<3

bussy

miss u

hi angel!

don’t die!
          i am sick of clean body butter and forbidden ingredients
          the pumpkin spice banging up my stomach like god is telling me to stop what i’m doing and recognize the taste
          my favorite word used to be “disgusting!” i am sick of being disgusted
          time is short so let me open up my stomach and slot discs of melodies into the gaps of gas
          and let me play every lie or truth you’ve ever told in my guts
          they spread. they’re telling me to leave, but i won’t (they are merely just sirens).

<3

on monday it’s duster and current joys season

normalize checking out vogue issues from your local library to study them

where are my colorful abnormally tall doors. sunken living room. abstractly shaped japanese garden trees. my soft crochet throws. 
          
          my coffee creamer. my love biking over to drop waffles at my door step. my love who knows i’m stirred up with her and concerned for her but says nothing to break my heart for she knows it’s all unrequited. 
          
          where are the clouds. the heat on my back from the warmth of my loving friends’ hands. where are my dreams that i forget because if i remember it will drain me for days forward.
          
          where is the beach. where is home, the home i will build for myself one day. where is the money. how will i find the money, how will i find you? where are the wonders and beauties that make life irresistible 
          
          where are the anchors keeping me from fully slipping from the bridge that is life into a far death. where are the things that light my soul. where is the advil. i’m bleeding out and it hurts.
          
          my mother is falling asleep on the couch. where is life? because i know the sweetness of existence is only bitter without all these things and these people coming to knock on my door. 
          
          to come and ask my future for its hand, and take it places that will have me thriving and not slipping far away.

instead of my gf reading the bell jar im reading it instead