. .. …

i’m so sick and tired of being with you, putting up with you. people only like you because of your looks and nothing further than that. god forbid you do to that same girl what you did to me. 
          
          i loved you. and now my sense of love revolves around you, but that’s e never happening again, us. i fucking hate you. 
          
          why can’t i stop crying? why can’t you leave me alone?

i think i’m finally lost. i think i’m done. i can’t do this anymore, i just can’t do anything anymore. my effort is gone and i’ve just finally hit rock bottom. 
          
          i love you. but you’ll never know that, you never will. it’s just a memory burnt into my head, one where you’re still you, and i’m still me.
          
          i miss us. i miss you.
          
          sincerely, me

i cry, and i cry, but i just can’t seem to get the problems to go away. tell me why they won’t go away. you let me cry on your shoulder, for years on end, yet… nothing has changed? 
          
          i cared for him, there was a point. now to hear i’m the least favorite? it hurts. it shouldn’t hurt because i hate him, but it struck a cord within me. why did i ask him that? why did i instigate it? i guess you could say i was bored, but did my sobriety deserve that? did it deserve “boredom”? 
          
          i don’t think you understand you actions, so let’s make sure i show you the consequences. i FUCKING hate you. you are the worst person to ever fucking roam planet earth, and i hope that’ll end soon. your existence has caused me nothing to pain and misery when it shouldn’t even have affected me. 
          
          i hate everything, and at the top of that list, is you. you make me hurt, you make me the daughter who can’t face her parents because she’s afraid of opening up to all the secrets she’s kept from them. 
          
          you make me hate myself for ever fucking existing in the first place.

you, my friend, are awful. you never listen to anything i say and always want to pick a fight with me. i’m fucking tired of you, and you think i’m gonna spend the rest of my life with you? are you fucking STUPID? 
          
          do you remember when i cried? i cried, and i cried, and do you remember what you did? you told me “nevermind”, you told me i was a lost cause. how do you think i felt? how do you think i saw you after that? you may not see it, because you’re hiding behind that fake ass personality, but you’re a monster. you’re so blunt to the point where i have to PHYSICALLY tolerate you.
          
          did you know everything finally clicked? that i finally pieced together this horrendous puzzle i’ve been working on for 3 years? i solved it, i looked at it, and i saw how awful i am with you. 
          
          we RARELY even talk anymore like we did because you decided to leave me. and you hated it, but it was YOUR mistake. god— and i wonder why i feel so lonely, it’s because i’ve been putting my WHOLE effort into one person for months on end, not prepared for when they leave me. 
          
          i can’t do this anymore. i can’t support you anymore. when will you realize this?
          
          when will you just leave me alone?

there isn’t enough anger in the world for me to show you how much you hurt me. you had the audacity to fake that? what did you think you would get out it? you are one of the lowest scums on the earth that i’ve ever met and nothing you can do or say will change that. 
          
          i have every right to do this back to you, because you’re fucking sick. she didn’t deserve your wack ass or your fucking boogie squad going for her after saying no. it even makes me think what would’ve happened if i didn’t follow my own awful habits and told you no. you and him make me more sick in the head then i already am. you’re both pushing me off the fucking bridge. if i kill myself? you’ll be implemented in my note to a cruel world. 
          
          i fucking hate you. adding me on snapchat or boosting my confidence in my artistic skill won’t make up for the stupidity you committed in my presence. we were young teens, but that doesn’t make up for any of it. because on a real level, who taught you to fake a mental disorder? 
          
          don’t call, text, talk to me ever again. or i swear to god— you won’t even know what hit you. because like i said before, you’re the worst of the worst. you’re a fucking scumbag.

i’m a fucking mess, and one person is to blame for that. why do i still talk to him? why do i even bother when he is the one who made me like this? i can’t tell my own father about my problems because who’s the center of it? the “friend” whom i never told him about. sometimes all that i think about is “how i can off myself”, why do i think like that? because you’re to blame. 
          
          i still talk to you, like every tear was nothing, like ever word we ever shared was nothing. and you had the audacity to thank me for sticking around? you should thank me for not KILLING MYSELF the day i threatened it, i may have been a kid, but i will never forget that. i am a MESS because of you, and you’ve barely ever apologized to me. do you know how often i want you to leave me alone? do you know that i still think of the same little boy who fell in “love” with me, and think he still loves me? 
          
          i’m delusional because of you, i project onto movie and video game characters because i am so fucking lonely. this isn’t a cry for help, it’s a formal complaint.
          
          you have been the WORST thing that has ever happened me, and soon enough, i’ll be the worst thing that happened to you. because what i had to deal with was not what i deserved at age 11.