our-souls-are-wild

Hey you lot! How are you?
          It's mad to think that it's been over a year since the end of 'Trivial Compositions'. I just want to say that I love you all and I am still here for you if any of you relate to some of our poems a little too well.
          I'm not afraid to mention my mental health problems online, even though the worst parts of my life so far are almost completely behind me, because it's a part of me and I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. I'm not afraid of saying that I'm bisexual; I am and if you don't believe in it then that's okay because I know what I feel and I know what I am.
          I love you all. Don't be afraid to reach out. Thank you for the continued support even though this account is inactive. 
          -M (and I'm sure -A would absolutely agree with the sentiment)xx

Heya! You may have noticed we just published a book - die sucht - and you're probably wondering what's going on. In short, we're back! Well...kinda. Life is still super busy so we probably won't be publishing poetry for a while (exams suck the life out of us) buuuut we have a backlog of prose and short stories we've been writing for ages, so we decided to publish them for now. Hopefully you like them! -A

Thank you for the follow, I'm super sorry if I'm being rude but please check out my story I'm super sorry

Here's the thing, right now my life is shit, my poetry is shit and my grades are shit so I'm kind of in a bad place. This account was made for us so we could post our poetry with freedom and without stress but that's not what it's ended up being. 
          The two people who have been on this account with me are incredibly talented and in comparison, my skills are always lacking so poetry is no longer making me feel better.
          And because of this, for a while poetry is definitely going to have to be out of the picture for me. 
          I don't know when it'll be back and I don't know if I'll be able to continue with it at all. But I want to thank you for sticking with me through this and I hope to be able to pick this back up right where I left it, in time.
          It's been amazing to share my writing with you and if my last piece of poetry has already been written let it burn in hell because it sucks.
          Alright I'm done, 
          -M xx

So I just finished up publishing Trivial Compositions and I promised a second book. Thing is, life is super busy for both of us currently and an organised sequel won't be happening anytime soon. Sorry to let you guys down.
          
          I will be posting my own poem book (whether on this account or on my individual one @my-soul-is-a-storm I'm not sure yet), but either way pleases feel free to message us as we'll still be writing drafts and reading on this account.
          
          We'll keep you updated on any changes happening,
          Love and kisses -A

So... I haven't been around in a while.
          I have no idea why, I guess I'm just struggling to motivate myself for anything.
          I have written a few things but they are in serious repair because a six year old could do better. (lmao apparently self esteem and ability drop simultaneously).
          The past month or two has been bad because a family member I was really attached to recently died and there has been lots of stress in relation to tests (and having really smart friends doesn't help but meh, I love them). What makes me the most sad is that half term is coming up and we used to visit every holiday. I guess I'm just not used to change.
          Thankfully my teachers and friends are amazing and are being completely understanding with this dip (in both personality and grades). Even my art teacher was asking me if I was okay, and she usually keeps to herself.
          I just want to say I love you and I'm trying not to give up and if you are in a similar position, I believe it will get better - even if I seem naive.
          Anyway, hope to see you soon!

I LOVE YOU GUYS M'KAY? M'KAY, BYYEEEE XXXXX

So we've got six hours (ish) left of the first day of 2017 and I'm feeling very neutral, almost numb.
          It was horrible during the actual countdown because everyone was making it a massive deal and all I could focus on was the numbers and the fact that I wasn't ready. 2016 was shit but at least I knew what was expected, I'm scared that a whole years gone by and I don't remember any of it.
          I was stood there repeating 'I don't like this' whilst knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn't pause it like a video or rewind time so I stood there and I wanted to just stop everything.
          I wanted time to stop existing, for everything to just stop and i wished for me to not be so obsessed with time.
          I was so terrified of it and when it finally got to zero I wanted to cry. Every single thing that I've done wrong in 2016 I couldn't change because it's 2017 and I'm so scared of that.
          Rant over, here are my New Years resolutions!
          - Try not to focus on time,
          - Try be happier with myself,
          - Don't be disappointed if I can't reach my goals and instead try harder, this includes the above resolutions.
          Anyhow, anyho,
          Byyyyye
          -M xxxxxx

i realise now that my sign off must be really confusing bcs I say -M at the end of poems, call myself Tilly and my account used to have me down as Rachel! I'm a mess of a human I know but I'm bored so it's explanation time:
          Tilly is a nickname, short for my full name, which all my friends call me.
          Matilda is my full name that's on my birth certificate.
          And my middle name is Rachel, which I've always preferred bcs, a) I hate ma name and b) I think it suits me better. Even my mum agrees with me.
          anyway here's your useless infoooo of the day!
          byyyyyyye
          -M xxxx

I really love my current best friends, don't get me wrong but I miss my old best friends. I don't think I've realised quite how much until now but I miss them.
          I used to think I'd always be best friends with them, that one day we'd get married (platonically- although it wouldn't matter whether it was or not) and live in a flat together with three cats, one each, and one of us would be an author, another would be a teacher and the other would be a dancer and we stay up until one in the morning drinking wine and all sitting in the bathtub or eating raw pasta cross-legged on the kitchen floor. Maybe we'd own a garden where we'd have snowball fights and when we were done we'd get changed and share each other's clothes and we'd be so happy.
          But we grew apart, I joined a group of four and we became a group of five and they became a group of three with someone else and although I was the one who originally drifted apart it still hurt because I felt they'd replaced me. I felt they were always better friends.
          I miss them so much but I guess that's okay because we all have to grow up some day and getting stuck in the past is stupid. 
          Yet it's something I can't help so I don't stop myself.
          I let myself get obsessed with time and past and future and emotions. All I want is to believe in a dream that I know won't happen or get through a day without thinking about the fact that it'll soon be the next day and I'll be thinking the same thing only looking back.
          I feel like a mess, a mess who can't think of anything good that came out of 2016 apart from the friends I have now.
          Yet I'm still thinking about old friends and old people and how shitty everything is.
          Sorry for ranting.
          -M xxx