oziremen

I know it's been months but I cant see someone whos suffering and walk away today. Especially since I can relat to you. And it breaks my heart to know someone else is/was feeling the way I was a few years ago.First off, You're not alone, there are so many people in this same predicament. And each and everyone of them are so special including you. you may be drowning but not because you have to, and not because you deserve it. You matter so much, and you deserve so much more. People around you are fools if they can't see that. You judge yourself so harshly, and feel so helpless, useless, and unloved. But who decided the requirements for any of those things?? We all tend to believe the people around us decide it. But that's not true at all. Everyone on this earth has the choice to step out of what society decides for us. The box the world conditioned us to believe we're stuck in. You may feel like you're unable to move from this spot, like you're stuck in this endless cycle of loneliness, rejection, failing at self-love. But it's possible. You're capable of shifting your reality and beliefs. Start slowly recognize that you're a child learning something completely foreign to you. Notice small things that you can appreciate about yourself, and the world around you. In no time you'll start to see your life become lighter and fuller. You have  alot to learn angel but your certainly not alone while doing it.

Feels like my friends finally got tired of me, I don’t know if they really did. It just feels like it. 
          
          I know, I am not an easy person to communicate, to befriend. Sometimes I talk too much and sometimes too less... Sometimes I’m so clingy and sometimes so far away... I know I’m being annoying, I understand if they don’t want me anymore. 
          
          And I am okay with being alone, I’ve been alone for all of my life. I never had so many people in my life or someone who I showed the real me. 
          
          It was always me, it is just me. The insecure girl who’s been broken by herself so many times and probably will be again. The coward who runs away from everyone, hides behind her weak walls. 
          
          It is just me, it will always be me. 
          
          The lonely me.

I am not depressed and my anxiety isn’t that bad.
          It’s just self hatred. 
          I can’t love or accept myself no matter how much I try. 
          
          I just hate my existence.

Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s not.
          
          Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn’t.
          
          Sometimes it’s heavy, sometimes it’s not.
          
          But the sure thing is that it is tiring. 
          And I am tired.

I feel like drowning.
          
          
          Is nobody going to... help me?

“Hello, hello, say hi
          Sai hi to my haggard reflection
          Hello, hello, say hi”
          -Jonghyun, Elevator
          
          I feel so lonely, misunderstood and unloved...