path3tic_wrath

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path3tic_wrath

Monday, November 11th, 7:30 PM.
          whats it gonna be? 
          Today felt different, i've been hurting but i'm very joyful and thankful for things.
          im not sure how my boyfriend is feeling recently though, he doesn't like to talk to me about anything really.
          my band played for the veterans today though, which was bad. we all stopped playing in the middle of the piece because a snare was rushing. im pretty sure my only real friend is Kylie, or my sister.
          I don't have much, but my math work never got finished, my ELA essay is almost done though. 
          My essay is due this week, but im procrastinating the math work even though it was due last week. which is interesting, yet oddly very normal for me.
          I feel like I'm not gaining much anymore, weight, grades, happiness, sadness, anything. really, I feel lost. like always. Its alright though, it'll get better, i know it. 
          Sometimes i regret doing what i did but at the moment i dont even know how i feel. i am happy about it, but i also have this dread i cannot contain to myself anymore. it gets harder everyday to keep going the same way my parents always wanted me to.
          i cant breathe, and it hurts when i try to. my hands are shaking, and i cant  hear anything but a loud ringing noise and my faint music that was at full volume the last time i checked. a lot of things are hurting right now, my feet, chest, lungs, arms, legs, back, shoulder. everything. it all hurts but it doesnt chime into my thought process.
          i think i am thinking too much, as always. i dont know why this happens.
          i was so calm until today, everything was going fine till today. i hate today. i hate everyday. i hate myself, but i also adore my life but i wish it could be a little better too. 
          I talked to my counselor on friday, she didnt really help though. i didnt tell her about me struggling to eat because i guess that would put me into a mental hospital right? (again.)
          (Song of the day- 'Whats it gonna Be?', Shura)

path3tic_wrath

 Signing off, 
            Izzy.
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path3tic_wrath

Sunday, November 10th, 7:30 PM.
          
          i have been feeling very different today, like nothing matters. I tried reading a bit, it didnt do much. I dont know why this is such a reoccurring feeling, its like every day i have it at some point wether or not it goes away, or stays the entirety of 24 hours. 
          
          the days have been longer even thought the clocks switched and its now a different way of day, i still feel like the daytime lasts longer than the night.
          it happens often now, and i dont like it. 
          however, i feel unsafe in my own skin today, but i’ll be fine, right?
          
          you never know with me anymore. i may write a bit, read, watch a show maybe. i dunno. really depends what time i get tired really. 
          
          my mom and dad did buy me this jack skellington squishmallow though, that made me happy at least. 
          (ive been laying in bed all day hugging it.) 
          
          im also slacking off on my schoolwork, i’ll try tonight to get it done, but i have to sleep early because of band (we are playing the patriotic salute relatively early in the morning tomorrow, dont wanna be in a bad mood or else i’ll suck i guess.)
          
          but yeah, thats how my day went.
          
          (song of the day - just stay for once, imani graham)
          
          signing off,
          Izzy.

path3tic_wrath

 *though not thought -sorry-*
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path3tic_wrath

Hey everyone, the 352 followers who have been there, more than likely forgotten about me so far. (However, that's completely understandable) and I'm not too sure that this message will get out under my MB, but, worth a try, right? So, the purpose of me writing this is to let you all know that I may start journaling/documenting my thoughts under the MB, or in a separate story, though I do take into consideration that I know very well nobody cares about my life, and I'm okay with that. I'd just thought I may want to share, see if anyone relates to me, have little conversations about it, all the sorts. I just thought you all might want to know, that's all. I can't wait to have conversations and nice talks with anyone on here that's still interested!
          Fun Fact - I've written 203 poems in the past seven months. 
          Sincerely, 
          path3tic_wrath 
          A.K.A Izzy.