7/10/2025
11:00am
personal thought i wanted to release (originally on my tumblr)
i am largely disgusted with myself when i have a ‘fictional/celebrity crush’. i don’t know what it it but some slice of my heart belongs to characters or a person that doesn’t know who i am and i don’t like that. I want it out. it feels like infection. like some foreign body has lodged itself in me and my ribs are blistering around it. i pick up the knife and slowly carve out any trace of them because how dumb can i be to give to someone who cannot receive? i claw them out, image by image, until there’s nothing left but wound and flesh. i hate when it happens. i hate when a stranger’s face worms its way under my skin and suddenly i’m thirteen again, believing in something ridiculous. and it’s shame. it’s rot. it’s hollow and sharp and cold and knocking at my heart. i can’t wait until i can give my love to someone for real.
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for the record, i am not legally an adult therefore do not find it weird so please don’t attack me my biggest fear is being shamed on the internet. i’m just speaking into the abyss (like 2 followers) about how i feel.
this is the first and last time i will ever talk about this publicly, good morning everyone.
