Paxamillius

IM BAACKKKK (working on a ch 17 )

7/10/2025
          11:00am
          personal thought i wanted to release (originally on my tumblr) 
          
          i am largely disgusted with myself when i have a ‘fictional/celebrity crush’. i don’t know what it it but some slice of my heart belongs to characters or a person that doesn’t know who i am and i don’t like that. I want it out. it feels like infection. like some foreign body has lodged itself in me and my ribs are blistering around it. i pick up the knife and slowly carve out any trace of them because how dumb can i be to give to someone who cannot receive? i claw them out, image by image, until there’s nothing left but wound and flesh. i hate when it happens. i hate when a stranger’s face worms its way under my skin and suddenly i’m thirteen again, believing in something ridiculous. and it’s shame. it’s rot. it’s hollow and sharp and cold and knocking at my heart. i can’t wait until i can give my love to someone for real. 
          -
          for the record, i am not legally an adult therefore do not find it weird so please don’t attack me my biggest fear is being shamed on the internet. i’m just speaking into the abyss (like 2 followers) about how i feel.
          
          this is the first and last time i will ever talk about this publicly, good morning everyone.

Merci beaucoup pour ton follow;)

NEW CHAPTER WHO DIS AAAAHHHHH (i am so uncomfortably warm at this exact moment it is 80+ degrees in my mf hotel room send help)

is anyone interested enough for me to thoroughly continue Love Letters 

FANTASTIC day to be blonde HAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAYAYAYAYYAYAAYAAAA

violently headfirst crashing my honda civic into a tree or whatever 

grandmas funeral going to hashtag live it up 

I SURVIVED AND ALL OF MY SPEECHES PAYED OFF (i got chosen!!) so now i’ll have more time to focus on writing some new chapters for u guys!!

yo what should i do for my next chapter… im stuck