fr

i’m sooo fucking sad

how is it possible to feel so much pain and be numb at the same time. 

everything hurts

love of my life, you’ve hurt me.

i’m cool at acting numb. 

bestfriends. 
          
          that’s what we are. never past that, never more than that.
          pesky feelings choose to not get involved and meddle. 
          contented with what we have. always there healing each other, through pain and laughter. 
          been with each other through heartbreaks, breakdowns, each other’s worst, and through the process, became each other’s reason to keep alive.
          pinky promised to keep existing til each other’s last breath, “if you die, i die”
          but a thought came into my mind....
          
          why don’t we try something between us?
          what if we actually deserved each other?
          what if i was just denying whatever i was feeling?
          why not take the risk?
          
          but then i woke up, snapped myself back to reality, i chuckled with the thought, that was so far to become possible. 
          
          i should stay on my lane, and know that our story is tragically unrequited.
          and if ever i lose my guard, and fall into the trap
          i should pull my shit together, because i am only a constant, and that is the position i belong in. never ever swerve lanes, self.
          
          feelings are forbidden in this household.
          

i wanna leave bruises on my wrist

i’ve had enough.

when everything’s shit and bangtan is my only reason to keep going

1018
          
          wallowing into the darkness, often having the urge to make use of a sharp object, but always refuses to do so because in the end all she ever cared is about not wanting to hear unpleasant remarks coming from judgemental hypocrites