Warning: Rant incoming
Today was so long, but also so short. I spent all day doing schoolwork. mentally so exhausted by the work and the pressure and the fact that it's all my fault. I was the one to make all this work so backed up. And I made plans today to get extra work done. Wrote it all out. Not a single piece of extra work was accomplished. And it's all my fault. I was distracted by my phone all day. But my phone is my mental and emotional lifeline, I'd crumble without it. So I've got an addiction on my hands, woohoo! another my fault. I go upstairs and I eat dinner and I come back downstairs to do the rest and then I doomscrolled for an hour instead and then it was 8:30 and I needed to put food away and do the dishes and now it's 9 and I didn't tell TSOTI to go to bed like he asked me to, I'm sorryyyyyyy, And I didn't get that stupid test done. And my mom started watching Guardians of the Galaxy 3 and apparently it opens with Creep and it was NOT REN. Which should be normal but it went me off the edge and I started crying because I was so tired and I didn't get to watch any of the hermits today at all and hearing Creep, that could have been a comfort but just wasn't made me so mad at myself that I didn't get work done quick enough and the dishes was overwhelming because the dirty dishes counter is still full and my mom was frustrated that I was crying and while we were praying she called my crying a pity party and it hurt and I hate that she was right, because it's all my own doing, I overwhelmed myself. My room is a mess and I need to clean it which I hate that I haven't and I have projects that need to get done and I hate that I haven't and I'm crying at night when I know I won't be able to sleep and it's so stupid that I do this to myself in such an unhealthy way. I hate that I'm so lazy and unhealthy, I don't take care of myself and because of me, my mom didn't get to watch amazing race and my brother didn't get to watch in the basement as an escape 1/2