@phanoftroye1
Found the set list, thanks Kaylee, sleep well please and take care of yourself because you do NOT want to end up like me, I'm still not aloud to do P.E because I'm still pretty weak so please take care okay? And I'm sorry for being so selfish, you're right. Good night Kaylee, I hope the best for you, take care
I hope you're okay, almost three more days Kaylee!!!!!!! I'm so excited for you :)))))) ;D
At school, this girl named Stella, she actually went to Troye's concert yesterday in LA and when my friend told me this I couldn't help but feel so envious because i just augh I'm sorry I'm happy you're going, but it's HER that's the problem. Idk I just felt kind of just out of it because I swear, I shouldn't be so envious though. I guess I kinda just hate the fact that I CANT go, and knowing that I probably will never get the chance to go, even when I'm older, just sucks so much. Because you KNOW that seeing him in concert is practically my life line, just the hope of maybe even getting the chance to hear his voice in person keeps me going, but then when that's just pulled away from you, it sucks so much, and you just blame yourself because you're the one who has the problem, not them. I'm the one with the anxiety issues. I'm the one who can't stand being in a crowded and noisy place without hyperventilating. IM the one who can't stand to hear a fucking balloon pop for fucks sake without having a shitting panic attack. And I know others have it worse, and I know I'm being petty, and I know I'm complaining and taking all this to heart way too much, but I CANT help it because I'm just tired of not being able to enjoy the things I wish I could enjoy. I hate cowering in fear on the Fourth of July, I hate hiding in bathrooms during birthday parties because of the noise and people, i hate how everyone laughs at me when I have to literally run away from a balloon and hide behind someone because I'm that scared. And I absolutely hate how my parents think I'm just making all this up and how they insist that I should just get over it because it's not worth it. It's like, do you think I ENJOY missing out on the things that I want to participate in?? You think it's fun knowing I constantly have to run away from anything that might make me break down?? That's it's 'cool' to be scared shitless because of petty things? It's not. And I hate that part of myself so fucking much.
It's okay I'm just being selfish, you're right. Thanks Kaylee, same here okay? You should head to bed soon, it's getting late. And don't worry, I'll get that set list and listen to it. I just can't find it though. I looked for it yesterday but I don't know I'll look again. Good night Kaylee, sleep well, and thanks for everything
No it's fine. We all have to let go of the anger or whatever negative feeling that's inside of us every once in a while (or a lot). I don't care that you're envious; that part doesn't matter. What matters is that you make the most out of what you can't do. Like at the San Francisco show, people were having panic attacks everywhere from the chaos - what you can't do without fear is normal, and you are never never going through something alone. Just have a Troye setlist-order listening party because it sounds just as good live as it does on record (sorry just trying to lighten the mood. I hope you're okay too. And please be eating, hydrating, and resting. If you're tired, sleep early please. Please take care
And if you're wondering for some reason why I'm messaging you at 8:00 am where I am when I SHOULD be in school, well I didn't feel well today so I didn't go. But I'm fine so don't worry, I'm just achey, if that is a word? And I couldn't stop trembling in the morning and I felt weak and blah blah blah and i WAS going to go to school but my mum being someone that's in the medical line in her career decided against it so I'm here now. So yeah, im firm though so don't worry, I just thought I'd let you know because well you're my greatest friend. I hope you have a great day at school today, and please don't over work yourself, eat, rest if you need to, or want to, don't overwork yourself, and don't forget to stop for a moment and look around you, you'll notice things you really hadn't pain attention to, until now. And good luck on all you're endeavors, you're amazing beyond words
I'm out. All these typos aren't helping, and that's that i reread that at least twice jesus christ
Notice how I put don't overwork yourself twice? That's because I mean it, I hope you're having a great morning so far, see you in a different moment
The Suburbia tour starts today- holy shit. And it starts in San Francisco, a place where I want to live in at one point in my life. I see people with pride flags there, openly gay people kissing their partners, couples holding hands, and yes as much as people can be total dicks in the morning there, they make it up by having some of the funniest and most carefree people alive.And well, I sort of went off track but, I just want to experience that so badly. And yet, I can't even stand the sound of a balloon popping without having an anxiety attack then and there. And that's something I've come to hate about myself so much, to the point where it's brought me to tears and has made me done things to myself I don't exactly regret. It feels like a restriction. Another chain will a heavy weight at the bottom pulling me down farther with the others. Another rope tying itself around my throat, suffocating me more each time I make an attempt to escape, filling me with a fear I just can't run away from.Having the need to run out of a place if I feel by any chance that I might break down then & there,and it's happened quite few times if I'm honest,and they all always ended up with me either staying in one place, immobile, with tears streaming down my face, or me getting up, and running away. Just running away, either covering my ears or pulling at my hair to skin.And i know all this sounds so dramatic,and it probably is,but it's what it kinda feels like at this point.
But why am I even telling you this?You probably don't care or really want to know about it. Maybe you think I'm over exaggerating & whining like a four year old boy who didn't get enough attention from their mommy or daddy. Maybe you think I'm selfish, selfish for complaining,when others have it much worse.You're right, I shouldn't be complaining,I don't have the right to do that,I should have just kept my mouth shut.
This message will probably be gone soon,just like the others before it,but who knows.
Bye Kaylee.
I wish I could go to a concert with you too one day. That's the part that hit me hard. Thanks Kaylee, I hope you're having a great day
Yes the Suburbia Tour - today. A week for me. I wish you could live in San Francisco, I truly wish you could. I wanna be there, too. For me, it's a place that's dreamlike. Being able to be in a not-too-homophobic place seems impossible to me, but it exists. I also wish you could go to one of Troye's concerts without having a shitty time. Anxiety isn't your fault. I repeat it isn't your fault, so don't beat yourself up about it. I wish I could go to a concert with you and we could both have a spectacular time, but that's just a fantasy. That anxiety of yours, it does feel limiting at the time, but in the future, not being able to go to concerts may not be as big of a deal as you think it is now. I'm sorry you can't go to any concerts without fear, I truly am, but I hope everything's good anyways :)
And also, I wish I could have told you this earlier, but I never got the chance until now, so here goes. I'm proud of you Kaylee. I'm proud that you tried. Yes, it may have not been completed, and yes it may have been short, and yes you may be running out of ideas, but in the end, what really matters is that you TRIED. And that's more than anything that you could do. You tried, you put in time, and you thought about it. It's the thought that counts. So don't beat yourself over this okay? I'm proud of you, and I still would and will be even if you hadn't or won't post another followers note ever again. Just know that you tried, and that's more valid than anything we can all be capable of doing. So be proud of yourself Kaylee, for you tried, and you're the real winner in this. Take care okay? And rest, for even the strongest of people needed it.
And thanks I didn't put thought into it - weeks before I even had 700 followers. I kept redoing and and redoing it until I was drained. And honestly, with what I currently have written, I'm kinda proud. I've written something about 9 times, and the fact that I still have some ideas left within me is amazing. But I thanks for the encouragement :)
Kaylee you should head to bed. It's getting late. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in like quite a while but eh yeah. Stuffs been going on. I hope you're okay, and that everything goes well. Remember, you're amazing, don't overwork yourself, don't drive yourself to bits, don't beat yourself up for stupid mistakes, keep on going, even if everything and everyone is telling you not to, trudge foward, sleep, eat, relax once in a while, enjoy the little things, don't dwell on the bad ones, and finally, look around you, step back for a moment, and you'll see all the beauty that surrounds you, and know that you're part of that beauty, and that for me is fascinating. Sleep well Kaylee. Good night <3
Happy national coming out day Kaylee!! God without you and the internet, I would never have come out of my shell. I'm also glad that you were and still remain the only person that knows I'm genderqueer and I don't care at this point that this is public and anyone can see it because who gives a fuck? I know I don't, well at least at the comfort of my own home, but oh well. Thanks for being there, and remember, if someone, SOMEONE out there doenst accept you by who you are, fuck them, because in reality, how sad or heartbreaking it may be, as Tyler has taught us, and this is something he's said that I will NEVER forget is, the only person that will always be with you, from point A to point B, is you. And you shouldn't change for anyone that you come across during Point A and Point B, because if you aren't being your truest self, then what are you gonna do once they leave? Nothing. You'll just be left with someone you're not, and that never is good. So remember Kaylee, you may meet people along the way, but the only one who truly matters, is you. You're stuck with yourself for however many years you live! So I'd recommend becoming friends with that person, and making the best of it, even if all this sounds optimistic and like utter bullshit, it's true, and I've learned that I've got to start living like this, even if it's difficult, because you know well that I'm not like this, but maybe I will be like that one day, so come join me Kaylee, on a journey that may bring pain, that may bring regret, that may bring guilt, but those are just obstacles, testing you to see if you are strong enough to bare it all, and eventually finding that one thing that made all this worth it. So, shall go?
That. Was. Beautiful. And come out whenever you feel safe and ready, don't let anyone ever pressure you into coming out because no one has the right to do that Kaylee, and all of what you said, I couldn't agree more. It is scary, he'll it still is scary, but that's mostly due to the circumstances, but I just hope for the best coming out experience for you that exists. You deserve so much Kaylee, and how much do I wish I could give you all of it. Sleep well Kaylee, and god I know I say this a lot, but you truly are so unexplainably amazing. Don't ever forget that.
I have always planned to come out on national coming out day and has it happened? Not yet. Will it happen on this specific day? There's a chance, yes, that I'll want to be cute and come out on this very day, but I doubt it. All I know is that I won't hide this secret, the one that has been possessed within me since the day I was born, forever from those who are supposed to love me most. But I'm waiting - waiting until the time is right; waiting till I feel safe. I don't know - people still talked negatively about gay people today and called people fags and ruined LGBTQ+ people's lives today, even on a day where we're supposed to feel a sense of pride. And coming out is a way that'll eventually allow you to share that pride inside you in public. Coming out and having a single person accept you can make you have more pride in yourself and who you are. Today, I know some people who want to come out and plan on it, but as I said, I won't. I don't feel like it. I just don't feel like the time is right and I don't feel enough pride within me to actually come out of my closet. I'm afraid of who might be outside waiting to harm me. I'm afraid of what will happen to me when I'm out. I'm afraid of the world outside of the closet that I've learned to love and appreciate, and until that fear is gone, I'm staying right where I am.
Good night Kaylee, sleep well, hope you have lovely dreams, and take care of yourself okay? I hope the best for you
Okay 1st off, dude I relate to the phone thing, second of all, YA NEED SLEEP YA DINGLE BOT