あい

It's supposed to be our 61st month today and funny how I got a glimpse of your recent activity. I thought I would cry seeing you again even if it's just a photo of you but I've got the opposite reaction. I'm happy to see that you're well and doing okay. Love, I guess I reached the part where I'm not feeling hurt anymore upon seeing you. Yes I am sad but I am not hurting anymore. I'm missing you but I no longer feel the pain, I'm missing us but I already accepted that we can't be together again. I still have so many questions about what happened but I know that it can never be answered. This is what I'm afraid to reach before, to let go of us when I'm not ready yet but love it's slowly happening. I should be proud right? Because I'm the type of person who's not good at letting people go especially if that person made an impact in my life. You know how big of an impact you are to me and I will cherish all the memories we had. I'm sorry if I took so long in reaching this part but love I'm slowly healing, I will be okay soon just like I know how you want it to happen.
          
          
          
          

It's been a year. How are you so far? I hope you're doing fine, my love. Honestly, I don't know if I'm okay or not. On some days, I wish that we're still together. I miss you and I will continue to admire you from afar. I love you, Rebekah. 

I heard your voice again after how many months and my heart skipped it's beat. I didn't get the chance to see your face but I clearly heard your voice, I know it's you, my heart know it's you. How are you my love? I hope your doing fine. I miss you so much and I love you still. 

Happy birthday to my favorite person. I want you to know that it's still you who I wished to be with forever. Sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa. I love you so much, my Rebekah. ❤️

The break up was not a mutual decision, I didn't want it from the very start pero mas pinili mo pa ring tapusin dahil malaking parte rin ako sa naging desisyon mo. Lagi kong sinasabi sayo na wag mo kong isalba from the pain kasi kaya ko basta kasama kita. Bakit mas pinili mo pa ring tapusin kahit na alam mong mahihirapan tayo parehas? Masyadong masakit at nakakalito yung desisyon mo, mahal. At aaminin ko hanggang ngayon mahal na mahal pa rin kita at sobrang namimiss na kita. :(

It'e been a week ng makabalik ako pero hanggang ngayon nandun pa rin yung sakit. Gusto kitang tanungin kung paano mo nakakaya yung ganito. Napakadaya mo, hindi mo man lang hiningi yung opinion ko basta ka na lang nag desisyon ng ganito. Gusto kong ipaalam sayo na hindi ako pabor sa desisyon mo. Sana hinayaan mo kong mag decide din dahil kaya ko naman lahat basta nandiyan ka. Napaka daya mo mahal :(

Hanggang ngayon di ko maunawaan kung bakit kailangan mong pahirapan tayong dalawa. Kayang kayang magsinungaling ng bibig mo pero hindi kayang magsinungaling ng mga mata mo. Nakita ko kung gaano ka nahirapan pero bakit kailangan mong saluhin lahat? Sana hinayaan mong pagtulungan nating dalawa. :(

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan mong magsinungaling, kung bakit kailangan mong isakripisyo ang tayo. Mahal, ang daya mo, sana hinayaan mo kong magdesisyon para sa nararamdaman ko. Hindi yung nag desisyon ka para sakin. :(

Officially :)

A million words stuck up in my head
          Waiting to be said but my tongue is
          stumbling
          Tryin' not to breathe 1, 2, 3
          Tryin' not to freak when you look at me
          Try to make a move but I freeze
          You don't have a clue what you do to me