Listen, look, read - I really think attraction is such a weird phenomenon, I mean, why does the heart "want what it wants"? Why does the human heart crave things that are so unattainable?
Well first off, it isn't even the heart, it's the mind.
I'm a pretty logical person, and I almost always look towards the practicality of a situation - I weigh the pros and cons of anything and everything before going through with the action. Quite. Literally. Though, that doesn't rule out the fact that I'm an absolute romantic. Books, museum dates, carnival dates - I love the rain; I love casual intimacy; I love wanting to hold hands, and sweet hugs while walking. Usually, when buying someone something, it's a meticulous everyday task of paying attention to what ads they fully watch, or the small comments they make about a ring, or how someone talks about a certain thing or mentions liking it. I crave sweet nothings and heart fluttering kisses and waking up - excited to see someone.
But I'm logical, and even if I crave all that, I'll look at what is most convenient for me. Why then is it different this time? Why am I so irrevocably in love with something that will only crumble me to nothings?
It's so hard, and I cry in the washroom cubicles mid-lectures and lose balance walking up the stairs. When I eat, I can't. And when I can, I cry. I hug my dog, but even that doesn't give me comfort, I fall asleep but still wake up tired.
And the absolutely horrifying thing is that only one thing I foolishly want - will actually help me. But really then, it's falling out of one misery into another.