lighthouse

nói gì thì nói mình nghĩ bản thân đã đạt peak ở Lore of the Land (và chắc là Set phaser to stun ). các fic khác thì giggle uchuchu cute này kia thôi, nhưng đọc lại 2 fic này nhiều đoạn phải vỗ đùi đm hồi đó chơi đồ hay sao thế tôi ơi! mình biết mình không thể nào tái tạo lại giọng dịch phản ánh được cái kiểu tưng tửng hài hước mà vẫn duyên dáng kia nữa. ờ thì one hit wonder nhưng trèo qua được một ngọn núi cao cũng đáng tự hào phết đấy chứ.

one more thing to share though. i used to translate because that was the only i could do to save myself from my obssession over pretty Koreans women. i never finished a page without spending at least 20 minutes, having a dictionary glued to one hand because linguistic competence was nonexistent for me. a word count of 600 could take me a week to translate. and despite being so... terrible, i enjoyed the process. i thought it was because i had no other way - you should love the thing you do - but now that i think about it, i've always liked stories, or whatever slightly narrative. ever since i was tiny as hell. but not until grade 7 that i became super engrossed in manga and translated fiction, mostly of Chinese and Western authors. yes, i can still recall my first novel being Túp lều bác Tôm and the second one being Tam Quốc Diễn Nghĩa. when i got into high school, i was drunken in my then newfound enthusiasm for Japanese literature. i read Akutagawa like crazy. as i digged and digged deeper (the well is shallow anw) i realized oh, it should be otherwise. i've been doing the thing i love all this time, yeah? i can't write or sing or draw at all, can't create anything, but i can read this story for you and show you why i like it. my voice waltzing along like an echo, but it should be enough to tell you: isn't this such an amazing story? isn't the writer a crazy good one? if you like it as much as i do, it'll make me happy. very happy. so i guess i'll keep doing this for another while <3

since i started uploading dig a little deeper, i've always thought of this place as an archive of my 20s. but would i be here without my teenage years? i've walked a long way since my first attempt, which was painfully unnatural and unreadable. but just look here. i still listen to the same songs and albums that made my 16. i still love the same girls who changed my sweet summer of 17 forever. i still have the same reading list that i shared with friends in the last year of high school, even though it means i did welcome some very lovely new stories while some are now gone for good. things changed but things stayed the same, too.

@un_r3v3 morning! 
            
            cảm ơn cậu đã có lời hỏi thăm nhé, mình thì lỡ nghỉ ngơi thoải mái quá nên giờ đang phải lên lại dây cót hơi chật vật một tí. mới sáng ra đọc tin nhắn của cậu, thú thật là mình sốc =))) mình không dùng wattpad thường xuyên đến vậy đâu, thế mà ngay khi mình log in thì đã thấy cậu ở đây vài tiếng trước. chắc cũng phải có duyên hay gì rồi. 
            
            khi cmt mình không hi vọng gì nhiều lắm, vì mình ok với việc theo dõi cổ vũ mọi người từ xa hơn là trở nên thân thiết. nhưng cậu đã cất công tìm đến mình và muốn kết bạn, điều này mình rất trân trọng, nên đừng thấy có lỗi. chờ tin nhắn của mình qua ig nha. tuy có một chút lo âu vì không quen xây dựng các mối quan hệ mới từ đầu, nhưng mong rằng chúng mình sẽ là những người bạn hòa hợp với nhau.
            
            một lần nữa, mình rất cảm ơn sự xuất hiện của cậu ở đây. chúc cậu một ngày vui vẻ <3

the way i'm still obsessed with this song even though it's been 3 years (and 2 years since the first Shin Eva screening in Vietnam). there's hopelessness, desperation even, to the sound of it. like a memory you hold so tightly to that is fading away already. this song is about them and you cannot tell me otherwise. shinji owns the verses, and kaworu owns the chorus/refrain.

một tuần rồi vẫn còn phân vân  

it's so much easier to never come out of this very safe and destructive routine, for i've got toooooo used to it, but i'll end up hurting myself and others badly... well i am though. how that song goes again? if i split in two i would take my fist beat up the rest of me. but as i grow a bit taller now, i also want to tell the rest of me: let go of this grudge you have, kid. make sure you not get hurt, so that you treat people around you with genuine tenderness. it would be very disastrous if your depression drives them away, leaving you with the one you hate the most - yourself. after all, you only have yourself, no matter how life would turn out for you, so just go easy and take as much time as you need.
            (originally posted on oct. 22)

sneaking late night thought hope no one catch me. but sometimes i wish i could free myself from this self-hatred. what's the use of living my life if i hate being the person that i am every second in it? i'd love to see a future of a new me - not spending hours bed-rotting while lulling myself to sleep and crying invisible tears until my head hurts, not distracting myself when things get tough, making peace with all past mistakes - though it can be a long way to go.