aDumbIdot

I look back to what this place used to mean to me and I cry. Community was so utterly tangible here. Happiness was always within reach and easy to find.
          
          I've been doing so horrible that I'm not sure I can hold on for much longer. I think I'll keep going, but I'm barely scraping by.
          
          Being lonely has never been such a heavy burden. It's so weird— whenever I find a friend, I don't know what to say. That emptiness makes me uncomfortable enough that I just keep forgetting to socialize and yearn for solitude again.
          
          Every time I come back to it, the ache continues to grow.
          
          I think this suffering is a curse that keeps me isolated. I keep wishing I was dumber, that I was stupid, basic, an animal, anything other than the flesh and bones and mind that have been given to me.
          
          I hope none of the people I used to be friends with here are going through the same thing. I hope you have found a new place to call home after this community lost popularity. Or after you lost interest.
          
          If you're still here, nice ;3

I'm now leaving Wattpad, since I realized I'm really not that active here anyway.
          
          Might return just to see how things are. This place was the beginning of my writing and enjoying fanfiction, so I can't find it in myself to delete this account :] this is a piece of myself that I will always hold dear to my heart, I discovered my gender and sexuality through the community's acceptance, and it was absolutely amazing. Been most active from august 2019 (when I created my account) to... seems to be the beginning of 2022, when I installed Ao3.
          
          Even if I might look at my past works and favorite fanfics and feel cringe, this just means that I've improved myself and my writing a lot. It started with me just openly venting through writing characters living a life I wished for, and I guess it's still quite close to being the case now but I am definitely much better at writing characters, situations, and even just the vocabulary.
          
          I wouldn't know myself as well as I do if I hadn't came to this community. And when people were recognising me because I was so common in comment sections, I really felt like I had a place where I belonged during a dark time in my younger years.
          
          I'm 16 now. I work a summer job now. I am much more independent than I was, and I like to think being in this community took a big part in having the motivation to be myself now.
          
          And for that, thank you :]
          
          
          
          
          ...tabboty on Ao3 is where I upload now, actually, but none of it is dsmp related— it's just a few Genshin fics, and now I got myself into Project Sekai as well. I doubt anybody is reading this, but if you are, you're free to check it out :]

LEFT SIDE RIGHT SIDE HA O MUKIDASHINE PAPPAPPA TEREKUSAIDE
          LEFT SIDE RIGHT SIDE HA O TSUKIDASHINE
          PAPPAPPA
          HA
          A
          YOU ARE KING
          
          DUNUNUNUNUDUDUDUDU YOU ARE KING DUNUNUNUNUNUDUNUNUNUNUNU DUNUNUNUNUNUNUDUDUDUDUDU

i forgot it my birtday

3 years ago i had writer's block on a skephalo fanfic I started writing to vent through. today i wake up writing polyamorous genshin impact smut. unreal

what's lovely about getting comment notifications on this damned app is scrolling through your most recent ones and just seeing "PLS DONT EVEN SAY THAT", "HES A CAT" and "dora" right next to one another with no further context provided

update on that account: I have one thing to say. so bc I'm in sm comment sections on this account I still wake up to notifications everyday despite no longer engaging with new ones and.
          
          ITS SO WEIRD TO LOG ONTO THE GENSHIN ACCOUNTS AND SEE NO NOTIFICATIONS I AM SO VERY NOT USED TO IT???? I posted my new fic or w/e and was genuinely shocked at not one notification oml I forgot what the beginnings were like

JUST MADE A NEW ACCOUNT FOR MY GENSHIN FANFICS!!!! HAHAHAAHAHAA YOU GUYS WILL NEVER SEE THEM!!!! OR YOU WILL AND WONT KNOW ITS ME!!!!! >:)

PEOPLE !!!!!! I HSVE GIVEN THAT ONE SKEPHALO FANFIC AN ENDING!!!! FEELING QUIRKY

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!! what if i gave my random fanfic an ending :) 
          probably platonic bc i cant bring myself to ship skephalo genuinely no more, and i also haven't kept up with dsmp in at least a year (but am still in the community just barely)
          
          
          .....all im saying is i write genshin fanfics now so i do have more writing experience :)))))) (dw abt the smileys im feeling quirky rn itd deffo be a happy ending)
          
          also i think if i did try to go back to mcyt fanfics id definitely be more in dnf than skephalo, exceptions being my favorites