Darkness Overwhelmed

You KNOW that the author is great when everyone on the comments in complaining abt how the author is a Satan incarnate 

Oke . I'm alive 
          
          Cuz my mum kinda found out my scars but that oke-for now atleast-! 
          
          And....I wanted to give one last shot at my Jinkook book...idk why...it just feels....CONNECTED TO ME -! 
          
          So yeah...I'm gonna give it a last shot-! If that dosent work out then......ig I'm giving up on it 

For somereason...always always always when I kake of a couple in an angst book...they both both depression and they both try to deal with it in diffrent ways.  One transforms the sadness into a diffrent emotion like anger or happiness and the other character just bottles it all up 

I just want to be the.....perfect girl...I mean fuck. It.....I don't wanna be a girl who kicks away all her parent's love just so that she can sink in depression...
          
          My parents have fucking worked their asses off for me...and everytime...every single fucking time...I see the dissappinment in their eyes.....I just know that I'm not the person who deserves this life or this world or even this universe 
          
          Maybe ...I was born in the wrong Era...with ghe wrong family...with the wrong personality...with the wrong appearance....
          
          I think I would do great if I lived in a slum area with an abusive father who sold me off to get killed...I mean I would play that role well lmao 

I am too depressed lmao . So depressed that I need to constantly be distracted....watching tiktoks,  talking to random people just so that no bad thoughts come to my mind...
          
          This was actually the past...now...I find it troublesome to even reply to msgs...and I feel like I'm loosingmyself...to the depression...not being productive and being a whole disappointment to every person who ever showed me that life was worth living 

I don't remeber the first time I was jelous...
          
          Maybe it was cuz that girl was more athletic than me....maybe it was because she looked better than me...idek lmao 
          
          But my latest reasons to be jelous are...just...being popular ig ? 
          
          I've always been the...one conservative dramatic clown girl...like um the one that people go to when they wanna laugh ? 
          
          I make myself look stupid ? Just so that the other girls look at me...like I know that I am being an attention seeker oke ? Heck it even posting this feels so attention seeking to me...
          
          But I just wanna be that cute tall tanned athletic girl that everyone drools over oke ? I'm just dark..long faced..stubby...girl...with a stupid laugh and weird clothes 
          
          And I get it oke ? SELF LOVE you're gud the way you are but....thinking of those things...never fucking helped me...the only things that help me boost my self love are insta filters lmao 
          
          Oh well that's all for the rant today :/

U don't realize that there are ACTUAL BTS haters till ya join an anime community :/ my army Otaku side is just like SOBBING 

Smut : 
          
          Watery tears ran down his face 
          
          I......oke.........

I hate him so much...
          
          He always manages to break each and every important thing in my life...
          
          My mum 
          
          The first thing I brought with my own money 
          
          The one flower that I was keeping preserved in the freezer cuz it was given to me by my sweet nephew before going to the states forever.....
          
          

Me when I hear a heart fluttering song 0r get a new crush on an anime character or an insta person or a character in a book , 
          
          Me the whole day : *squels and runs around the whole house* *suddenly yelps happily* *is VERY bubbly and is bouncing everywhere* 
          
          I guess thats why I'm the happy pill of my friend group lmao