primzerf

Take some peeps after half a year going for somewhere.
          
          Looks like nothing changes lol. 
          
          

Rejection is painful isn't it? Haha.
          
          I am not talking about the relationship, those common rejections.
          
          It has to be a wide range of things.
          
          Being ignored is a rejection.
          Being hated is a rejection.
          Being ghosted is a rejection.
          Being failed is a rejection.
          Being alone is a rejection sometimes.
          
          The first one is always the hardest.
          
          I lay my fingers here just to remind how to move on and go through without remembering again. No matter how strong I am, this thing is stronger to always make me like giving up again even tho I promised not to.
          
          It was so funny that I came here just to say things that nobody ever wants to listen except the silent reader. It was safer this way I guess. 
          
          
          *I used english because it is easier to create emotions and English is a romance language, not a scientific language. It got so much words to describe feelings. 

I still have not registered master degree offer that I got last week.
          
          Now, not sure what to do.
          
          And not sure what is going on with me.
          
          Not sure how to decide.
          
          Even there is no reply from job applications that I sent before. 
          
          It was always uncertainty lurking around my mind. 
          
          I was always being like this . Why.
          
          Thanks I still breathe awkwardly. That's it. :') 

After all, if you got problems then people around you are only side characters in your story.
          
          You who fought everything.
          You who struggled.
          You who acted.
          You who chose.
          You who felt everything.
          
          You, you, you.
          
          So pls be you. And make a choice based on you.
          
          While there would always be fool stories and evil whispers around, it was always you who fight the reasons.
          
          How much you put your value into you is what matters the most.
          
          That is the hardest one.
          
          
          Sunday, 2 January 2022.

I still remember, how every little detail of childhood memories that affects me emotionally I could remember very clearly.
          
          You tend to remember those extreme emotionally hurting and eudaemonia minutiae which happened because human beings were mostly affected psychologically.
          
          So think again every moment you kill people (especially children) with words or action.
          
          They may forgive you but forget.
          
          To be a good adult, you had to experience being a child in the first place and randomly you will realise which actions of adulthood make you feel appreciated and loved.
          
          If kids show bad behaviour, then try to reflect how on earth and why they become like that. Do not try to judge them without understanding the context. Of course they all are life whose have pride and respect too. 
          
          When I heard about bullying issues whichever took place in these days, I knew the fact that those 13 years old kids were the product of bigger system. Bullying is still a wrong thing. Unfortunately, these will not happen without any process and it was an evolution which will never happen in overnight. They are the products. By all means, I will never believe kids had bad intentions in their hearts. 
          
          For those who used to be kids, I believe you understand how it felt to be misunderstood by the adults around you. 
          
          
          p/s: I was being inspired by The Little Prince written by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It was a cute book. 
          
          

I understand somehow you want people to know what you feel honestly.
          
          Unfortunately, they are not mind readers. You need to reach them out and tell.
          
          Also, I understand how difficult the struggle is just to HONESTLY tell people the painful truth.
          
          This is why I think some would just choose to end their life due to helplessness and dilemma.
          
          You who read this, pls hang on a little more. Distract yourself with stuffs and talk to your most best friend. Listen to jokes and all. May your life will strive even more. Keep hopes. :') 

Sooner, it will come the end of bachelor degree that I am studying for. Time flies very fast. Four years seems quite insignificant.
          
          I will work harder for internship as trainee in research soon.
          
          When I was little (very naive to think), thinking that studying in university would finally made you smart enough to know everything. Unfortunately, it cannot work that way. Even after years of doing and juggling my life with science and stuffs, I can feel that I am getting less known of this little life which I am living in. I felt like a lost soul trying to find her way, the more she search for signs..she got lost even deeper. That makes me realize how pathetic we are about the world that we are confidently saying we know a lot.

Few weeks left before degree life is gonna end.
          
          Still the same me who wish I haven't been a grown up yet, having to face expectations from them who want me to be as perfect as I could. Yes, I couldn't. Am proud to say this. 
          
          This is my pace, right. I couldn't catch yours and that's okay. Sounds small but it's a matter.
          
          Hi 2021.
          
          Thanks for making 2020 felt faster. 

I think this post is good only for those who care.
          
          After being so devastated by many weird things happened lately in Malaysia, I just left alone the social media which easily turns your brain into a lifeless human.
          
          I just hate Instagram so much lately (even tho Blackpink memes there were ecstatic).
          
          Just came across Facebook feeds and stumbled upon Faisal Tehrani latest share. So I read and it made me breathe. 
          
          Mira Filzah 1-0 Kemiskinan
          
          https://solidaritas.my/mira-filzah-1-0-kemiskinan/
          
          

Too late to be engrossed by how weird myself was lately.
          
          I was watching a series of Naruto, couldn't even stop when at first I thought Naruto anime was just a plain animation with some jujitsu geijutsu whatevahss..unfortunately I was addicted. Is it ma fault or that stupid orange kid powerful chakra??? 
          
          Pls, man stop with this trick cmon. Go finish your pathetic final year project thesis like seriously. I summon myself.
          
          Haip. Good night people.