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I dunno man (•_•) been emotionally unstable lately. Sudden breakdowns would just hit me like a bullet train in full speed. Maybe because my dreams are starting to be much harder to reach, or my program is now entering another level of difficulty, or maybe because nostalgia and the blues of growing up, or being an adult is taking a toll on me.
I'm growing old, not in the way I imagined it. People come and go real fast. I'm not that close with my friends during senior high school, and I bet my SHS me would not believe it if I told her that her future self is kind of alone now. Me and my best friend seems to drift apart, crazy how both of us were licking each others wound, helping each other to heal, hoping to find ways to escape our so called place, but things doesn't work out the way we imagined it. I escaped, she stayed (she had no other choice).
Now, I'm in uni. Can't believe I will be a sophomore student next school year and not a freshman anymore. My older friends who encouraged me to enter uni will be graduating next year. Reading one post of his saying “Malayo pa, pero malapit na”—it's far, yet it's near, sharing that he'll be a fourth year college student next year.
I can't help but be sentimental, okay? It's like one minute I feel seventeen is too old, but seventeen never felt that young now that I'm nineteen. Someone somehow messed up some kind of evil machine who twisted time into going faster, but the faster time moves the more disaster and sadness we suffer—or an evil mathematician somehow created an equation designed to combine loneliness, grief, nostalgia and the good ol' fucked up ways of being and adult—or maybe a depressed wizard cast an evil spell on us, binding us into this fast phase ever changing world—or maybe I'm just emotionally unstable now. Haha.
