psycsyh

I am hungover and feel so fucking nauseous it’s not even funny. I got sick all over my floor last night and can’t even sit up because of how nauseous I am so it’s just kind of sitting there… all over my dirty laundry, belt and headphones ;-;
          
          Also there is a half eaten croissant on my bed don’t know why. I hope to finish it later after my mom comes home with the gravol I asked her to buy me.
          
          I went years bro, years without trowing up. I have had suck bad illnesses it’s not even funny and still didn’t trow up. Until last night where when I found myself sobering up I decided to have more and well. It’s all over my floor.
          
          I got lost while writing that. I am just complaining about trowing up. Which I just did again while writing. Adding more to my collection on the floor. When my mom gets home I’ll get her to grab me something to get sick in so when I manage to clean it up I don’t need to reclean my floor immediately.

A BOY ASKED FOR MY NUMBERRRR!! AAHHHHAHAHDHDBDUD

THERE IS A FRENCH MAN IN MY HOUSE. WHYY?!?

Oh how did I quit using TikTok? Oh, well some how every time I open the app even if I make new accounts I get damp/2020 era of stuff and then when those few specific people pop up I break. It’s always those comfort duos, Bench trio, Tubbo and Ranboo (can’t remember the name), crime boys, techno (alone or with anyone tbh). 
          
          Sob. Straight sobbing.
          
          Today I went on cause my hair looks good and some times I like to make and post privately videos of me lip singing cause sometimes pictures isn’t enough and I was scrolling to find a song/ out of boredom and it’s started with Slime popping up and I was like “okay but no more pls” and then the muffin song and that brought back memories. Then a video of Tommy and Wilbur singing? Closed the app. Not going back for another few months guys. Can’t do it. 
          
          Lots of my life is still surrounded by this faze of my life, like I still write fanfiction of Tommy in it to help me sleep. I’m still in his discord server, my life brights up a bit when some random thing of a few specific people pop up and I learn how they’re doing. Like Niki, Ranboo, tubbo, Tommy. 
          
          I still feel comfort from that time part of why is because I can’t move on to the last faze that truly brought me comfort, part of it is because it was my life for so long, but also it was the last time I was a kid. When I started getting in to the whole thing I was losing my childhood to an illness and tommyinnit reminds me so much of who I was before this illness took my life and he helped prolong its life. But those specific ones they hurt hard. 
          

A guy is living in my house for the next few days. He doesn’t speak a wink of English, and I’ve lost all my French except basics greetings. So… this will be fun 

Guys you know the stories you’re adding to your reading list… suck right? 
          
          Read my new freaking story. It’s decent last time I checked. I know I need to upload more but I’m pretty sure the three chapters it does have is more words then the shitty ones from when I was 14
          
          I won’t delete my old work cause we love to look back and cry here, but every time someone adds a story of mine to their reading this I ca feel my self dying lol

Just started reading a real book (crazy ik right)
          
          Well… it’s just as my kindle subscription gonna end. I bought it in hopes I’d read, then I didn’t. So I canceled it, it should end in December 24th and of course I just started reading a book that happens to be a 4 part series and only way to get it is on kindle unlimited.
          
          So… also why does a book with 140,000 reviews not have a physical book? You’d make more money off that and it lets me be able to freaken read your book. I can’t have subscription cause I have to budget for things. I’ll just rebuy the subscription when I have the budget for it, and cancel it right away just to read a few more books. A month should be enough for me to read more than one book. I am halfway through this one in just two days and ive not had much time to read so…

It’s my first Christmas where I have money to buy people stuff and bro. Everyone told me it was stressful but I didn’t think it was this stressful. Christmas is in 4 days now and I need to 1. Come up with gifts for 4 people with 70$ saved. 2. Somehow find a specific item in my shit town for someone I only just came up with an idea for. 3 some how get across town with only 2 bus tickets to my name, no bus money cause I had to spend it on a cab and yet work every day this week other then Monday and Christmas.
          
          So idk how imma go shopping or get to work. Part of me is so happy I am to young for a credit card because on thing I can’t do is crush social obligations and so if I had a credit card if for sure has bus tickets and Christmas gifts rn. But instead I have to choose not walking to work at 5:30am to be their foe 7:45 or a Lego set for my abuseive mother

Not sure if anyone will see this but does anyone have some book recommendations?
          
          I was just reminded how much I use to love reading, and I’ve not ventured out much from fan fiction in these last few years but I wanna start reading again!
          
          Please drop some recommendations. I don’t care what genre 

My cat seems to know the best time to have an energy boost. Like I have to be awake in 5 hours so I’m trying to go to sleep? Well he will meow at my door until I get up, just to not leave my room so he can attack my legs. We play rough so him biting me and stuff, isn’t out of the ordinary. He just seems to love doing it the moment my eyes close.
          
          He’s the reason I know I can’t handle having a kid. He’s the reason anyone brings up pregnancy soon around me, I say that I don’t see kids in my future. 
          
          I went my whole life wanting children so bad. Now the thought of having them kills me, because I can’t handle a cat. Funny huh…