purp.

And that brings me to my final point. Fanfiction. It’s a word that’s always irked me, even if it’s what I’ve always enjoyed. It feels like the wrong kind of label at times, especially since this is literally WATTPAD I’m writing on. People on this platform are infamous for… many things. However, being able to insert or WATCH someone insert a small piece of yourself (not even necessarily your SELF self) into the story of an established world has always, and will always, be amazing to me. There’s new rules, new expectations, and new potential. Sure, some people take it too far, and take the fiction part of “fanfiction” too seriously, and don’t get me wrong, I hate that, but even then I understand. Writing is personal because it just is. What could be more personal than letting your thoughts materialize themself on paper, and remain there to linger? It’s a time capsule that you’ll continue to learn from, and remember that you loved, then hate how you loved it, but then loved that you hated how you loved it. What a wonderful feeling to have.
            
            Perhaps I want to just look out for the little kid in me who wants to be part of something big again, MAKE something big again, so I can step back from the pressures of everyday life a bit while I take things my way. It’ll take me who knows how long to know. Quincy Jones once said “Looking back is a bitch, isn’t it?”
            
            It is. And I want to look back, possibly reread something that I made, knowing I had no regrets because what I made was great. Not because I want it to be an objective masterpiece (that’d still be nice tho), but I want it to make every inch of my heart beat with a wonderful sensation.
            
            Stories make up everything, and for me, they have consumed virtually everything. I want to contribute.
            
            I want to write.
            
            - Purp, the hopelessly stupid one who screamed at the void, curious at what it had to say back.
            
            (Ah that’s cheesy but who cares? That’s life. What a wonderful gift to have.)

Now I get what you’re thinking. All of this coming from someone who hasn’t posted ANYTHING on this platform other than empty promises. That might not necessarily change. But in the years I’ve been “away” from “writing”, I’ve gotten a better hold of my writing style. The things I like to highlight, the things I want my readers to feel, whether through academic or personal writing? I’ve been working very closely on getting to a t. I’ve been writing on and off in docs and embarrassingly, but most importantly, roleplays (yes, on the cursed platforms, iykyk).
            
            I’ve been roleplaying online ever since times I probably shouldn’t have, but the point is, I’ve always done impromptu writing, stuff that’s meant to bounce off of others, with surface-level planning. I want to write independently, with feedback, sure, but I want to make a story from the ground up that I have control over. I write like how most people do, with the things I want, the way I want. As I result, I feel like in my hiatus I have been overly critical of other people’s works, especially since I’ve been on the consuming side of media for so long.
            
            With that said, I want to experience the “writing” side of things as directly as I can. I want to not only experience the gratification of writing something that’s uniquely me, but also receive the full experience. My favorite part of any piece of fiction is world building, and I feel like that same excitement I experience when I hear about the vastness of the inner workings of the worlds people create is what I want from my writing. Sure, Wattpad probably isn’t the best platform for this, and like I said earlier, this might be another empty promise, but I WANT this. I want to feel the euphoria I did when I first wrote my own characters for a story. The catharsis met by hitting “post”, the regrets you feel afterwards, the edits made after. It’s a sloppy mess, but it’s a wonderful feeling to have. Like reading a favorite ship of yours come to fruition.

Hi. I know this is out of nowhere, but this post is half writing-my-thoughts-down and half I-hope-someone-sees-this. It’s been a few years, and I’ve just recently started college. I’m not sure what this feeling I have is, but I’ve regained an urge, a palpable want, to write again. My full-on writing phase has long since been over, and while I never made good promise on this platform, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.
            
            I know Wattpad isn’t the best place to put this out there, but I’ve recently been taking in a lot of media. Shows, movies, books, even video games. Stories continue to blow me away, and it makes me feel odd. The past few years have been all kind, cold, beautiful, and ugly to me. I should be happy to experience all that. But ever since I’ve had the time to sit down and think (college amirite), I think I’m envious of all those wonderful writers out there. I’ve watched creator commentaries with writers talking about how much dedication, how many tiny, yet VERY personal drops of passion they’ve put into their work, and it’s made me WANT that. Not just being able to sit back and say “DAMN. I WROTE THAT.” (A feeling I think I haven’t experienced in years), but to also go through the whole process of writing something, with every letter, every sentence, every paragraph, everyTHING loaded with pure, heartfelt emotion.