sol

Fast forward to a few days later, me and J were collecting papers from a quiz we made for our Science class, M who approached us carrying his paper which I tried to get because yknow, Im closer to him— did gymnastics so he could pass it to J— mind you, he was so far away from both me and M.
          
          HE STILL FUCKING HATES ME??????

Day after that, our Entrepreneurship group met up at a 24/7 Cafe to finish our product prototype because our defense was the week after. There was only four of us, me, J, E, and G, G who was M’s best friend. M wasnt there because his father just passed.
          
          We talked for a bit before it got to the topic of crushes. Heres the bomb; J is gay, its no secret, and it turns out that he had a crush on M way before; M knows, everybody in their friend group knows.
          
          Now E is trying to make me say who my crush is, Im not budging because J is a GOSSIP. She let it go after a while, then the topic came to who M liked.
          
          J let it slip that M liked E (okay, whatevs). Not only that, he also let it slip that M hates my guts. I was about to ask why, because I genuinely thought we were okay. But they decided to continue the topic of M liking E. I wasnt hurt () by the revelations of that day, why would I?

Since he was all giggly around me, I thought we were okay, that past is past. APPARENTLY, it wasnt.
          
          Fast forward to literally a MONTH later; Im with E, another group mate for our Entrepreneurship. We both went to the mall to buy materials for our project. After a bit of small talk, E asked me if I had a crush, Im an honest person so I said yes, she asked for a hint so I followed up with “cute smile”. She tried to ask for more hints but I didnt give her any more. After a while, she wanted to guess who it was— on her first try she said M.
          
          I denied it, who wouldnt BAHAHHA.

Carrying on from the “Keanu” thing, day after that call with them, H comes into class on the verge of a panic attack if she wasnt already. Asked her what happened and who I needed to punch ().
          
          It was about what happened the day before; she was guilty because she caused a rift between me and M (she didnt btw), also because the other people in the gc were talking about another classmate thats also her friend.
          
          I got upset at this because to me, H shouldnt have been involved but atp she was. So I ignored M for a whole week, but projects remember, I still had to work on our Entrepreneurship video (IM GROUPED WITH HIM IN EVERY MAJOR PROJECT VRO), he acted all smiley and giggly around me (☹️).
          
          So I did end up forgiving him for the H thing. THIS WAS THE START OF ME HAVING A CRUSH ON HIM (gurl, what?).

Next day, I find out that H had a video call in a group chat with OTHER PEOPLE with M. She teased him about what happened between us and guy said something like this, “- is smart but shes f*cking insane”. Naturally, H told me about this because shes my friend. I understand why he acted like that, hes still mad at me and is just venting in a safe space. But, H then mentioned to M that it wasnt about the whole “Keanu” thing and M followed up with a “you dont know what happened; a lot happened.”
          
          So Im like over here, thinking, what happened???? And I backtrack to my previous interactions with him— mind you, the school year just started. And one memory came to mind; it was a week ago, after my event at school when other classmates suggested we eat out. The place suggested was nearby so I went with them despite being in heels. Turns out, the place was under renovation; here comes M with a suggestion, he says he knows a place near another school (its pretty far). So we— I WALKED THAT SHT IN HEELS but I still ate so meh. I complained about this stunt for a whole week as a joke, and I think he took it to heart.
          

Ok storyyy time, cuz I need to let this out.
          
          Theres this guy, lets call him M.
          
          M is a guy I’m grouped with for most projects. It happened again and I ended up being grouped with him for our World Religions projects which was to make a podcast about Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. I got elected as leader; because most of my group mates were some semi-close friends I decided to make a joke I thought was okay; I changed our group chat cover to Jesus-Keanu Reeves along with changing our gc name to something along “praise-”— I dont remember. This ended up offending M because he turned out to be very religious— AND I DIDNT FIND THAT OUT FROM HIM, I found oyt through a mutual friend of ours, lets call him J. I dm’ed him and apologized, basically telling him that he doesnt need to forgive me and that Id try to change my behavior towards religion.
          
          I cried a bit ‘cause I didnt mean to hurt M. I talked to my closest friends about it, two essential ones, Jah and H. Jah, my closest friend, my bff since childhood, and very religious (she was a youth leader and an active member of a youth ministry) told me that what I did was defo not okay (valid) but that M should’nt hold that over my head and move on (something along those words). On the other hand, H, is a new friend at my school; we just laughed about it.