So recently, I've heard a lot of people complaining about the price of groceries.
"6.50 fOr a cArToN of eGgS!!! Oh mY GOd, mEaT is sO eXpEnSiVe!!!"
STOP TALKING! You're so weak. You see, this is what we in the industry call a skill issue. You wanna know why? Because if you did what I do, you would never need to worry about groceries ever again. And you might be wondering, "Tony, what exactly is it that you do?"
It's pretty simple. I adopt and eat pets from the animal shelter. It's free. Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Tony Tai. And not only am I extremely handsome, charismatic, and humble, but I'm also the five time world champ at eating dogs and cats. And these are my three reasons as to why YOU should adopt and eat pets from the animal shelter.
1. For nutrition.
2. For the clout.
3. It's the right thing to do.
Consider the following. Let's start with a little thought exercise. Your average puppy. 10 pounds of protein. 7000 calories of pure protein. Wanna know how I know that? Four words.
Tony. Tai's. Puppy. Puree.
What is that? It's actually pretty simple. It only requires two steps. Puppy, blender. Lemme give a live demonstration.
*barking* SHUT UP *puts puppy in blender* *blender noises*
10 pounds of protein. You're welcome.
Reason number two of why I do it. It's for the clout. So the other day, I was at the Paws n' Whiskers Animal Sanctuary down in Harriman, and they have a fantastic menu. And one of the waitresses came up to me- Oh sorry, AnImAl sHeLtEr EmPLoyEEs came up to me, and she said, "Tony, you are such a good person. You know that?" I'm like, "Yeah, I do." And she said, "You adopt so many cats. That's like six cats this month. Where do you find all the room to put all these cats?" And I was like, "I don't know. My stomach? What kinda question is that? It's not like I'm on a diet or anything.
