quinn ✪

i really wanted it to be him. i couldnt picture myself with anyone else it js doesnt feel right. if i had known that was the last time i was gonna be with him i wouldve hugged him sm tighter than i did. he let me hug him for as long as i needed to but i wouldve hugged him way tighter if i’d known.

“tonight there’s nothing left to do but finally tell you what you put me through.” —the final fight - conan gray
          
          
          this did not age well for me.

me reading back on polaroids from like february and being like “no way i wrote this its too good” like what the duck.

guys life is not good. all my friends r finding love and getting asked out and i’m the only one who’s not. none of my friends hang out with me anymore, not bcs of that but js like in general. my senior friends r graduating on saturday, and i have to watch them graduate bcs i’m gonna be there. my body dysmorphia is starting back up again. i js hate everything. ik no one cares but erm yeah i had to get it out there.

remember when i auditioned for jekyll and hyde? they emailed me back, and i ended up not being casted in it. this is the first show i’ve been cut from. i honestly don’t care as much as i thought i would. honestly i would rather be cut than be in the ensemble. if lucy didn’t exist in it i never would’ve auditioned in the first place anyway.

LAST DAY OF CLASSESSSSSSSSS
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          1 final and 2 regents left.

7 hours till auditions, and yes, i’m counting down. i’ve been listening to defying gravity to calm the nerves. don’t ask why it works, i don’t know why. it’s almost 10:50 am now. at 11 i’m heading over to my training thing, and then i’ll be back home after that.

auditions for jekyll and hyde are tmr. resume and sheet music are reprinted, music is hole punched and in my binder, questionnaire is done, headshot and resume are stapled together. my voice lesson on thursday helped me feel much more prepared. all i can do now is wait. i have a counselor training day in the morning, then my friend’s birthday dinner, and straight to auditions from there.

alright gang so yesterday i slept through breakfast, ate mac and cheese for lunch and was depressed the rest of the day. i only got out of my room to eat dinner and paint something. i went to bed almost 2 hours before my parents did and couldn’t fall asleep until 1 am. life is great, but today i’m feeling better so i put on a nice outfit and did a little bit of makeup because if i look good i feel better. even if i’m not going anywhere.

had a half day of school so i skipped. me and my friends went to chilis for lunch, then to stop and shop just for the starbucks. i got a strawberry acai refresher and then one of their new strawberry cake pops which was actually so good. they wanted to go to goodwill so we went there. i saw a couple dvds i wanted to buy like mamma mia and 13 going on 30 but i didnt get them. we went for ice cream after at cold stone. i’m on my way home. my birthday party is tomorrow. we’re having a bonfire. senior huzz is coming. im scared.