rennxiisho

I'm not going to show you that I'm change unless you've made me.

I'm dissapointed w A.

Maybe...if i stop to find a conclusion to resolve the problem, and just live my life at this moment, i just realised; there is always something new add up after one solution. If i decide to not finish the story, what will my younger me think?

Maybe...No. I should stop. Stop depends on people as a place to make myself feel better. It's just...not worth it tho. You just don't stop to find someone make you feel better. Not now. Not at this moment. You mental health not really at ease because you seeking validation from others about it. People's change. You've change. Just love yourself truly, please? 

I really need to realise that I've been surrounded by many people who truly love me and this is reality and not fantasy. I can't believe myself that I had an idea of people not loved me because of the certain moment. Yes, it's true. I'm alone and lonely because i'm in my own journey life that i chose myself and not keeping follow other people pleases. It's just loving them is just as much as i love myself truly. I should stop assume they change and surround myself by overthinking about them because they still never change. What am I for them? A friend. What am I suppose to do? Trust them as much as you support yourself. Is it worth it? YES. BELIEVE ME.

The best comfort person: myself.
          By asking why and what.

Maybe, I'm the problem? I'm seeking for someone to be my listener but end up still choosing You to be my wishfullness.
          
          I found someone willing to hear what my heart said, but i still waiting for You?
          
          If that so, no matter how many people Allah sent me, if in the end You are the one i'm hoping for, i'll still not feeling free.
          
          Free from guilty, free from doubting, free from overthinking, free from anxiety, free from You.
          
          Idk why am i still waiting for You? You're doing fine while me being overreacted? Before, i felt glad to be faithful waiting for you but Now, i felt like a forced to wait for You that so called unchanging.
          
          I'd to throw away my feelings to priorities You. Although you never asked to do it. I kept crying everytime i'm proud to talk others about You. Is it my fault? Or...
          
          If i'm being honest to you from the start, will you still be here?

Let's talk about A. I'm not sure what kind of person she is yet. For now, she is someone who almost looked like me but in honest ver. She too has complicated through people but i'm glad to be someone she felt comfortable to talk with. I can't confermed yet about the conflicted between her. Either Her or her. The same feeling recalled back from 2018 (form 2). She also can be known as mini counsellor  Maybe i'm seeing her as L + D ver.? It's good to know her. It's just my mentalilty not in the good situation and really felt like i'm ruined the mood between me.

Just want to say, i hate people who being mad unthinking clearly about what they said. One of the reason it's because of her too

Last for today, i'm easily to get the trauma huh?