rain-kissed-moonlite

Heyyyy! Chapter One is out! Check it out! Comment, vote, fann! Thanks,

xCatherine

You refer to Earthlings as ‘humans’. Is Arabella not a human – regardless of being from Eghasa?”
          The drama with Lex is cheesy. So is adding in Ethan… especially since he is a star quarterback. Cliché.
          The descriptions of hair and eye color are very blunt and make reading rather awkward.
          There are too many couples in this story. Another cliché move.
          You drop off using appropriate capitalization and punctuation. As a reader, it is very annoying to read such writing. Especially when you space out your paragraphs so much.
          Overall, the writing quality began very great but declined and became quite atrocious! The plot began to fall through a bit as well. Some of the dialogue is very immature for Arabella being fifteen. Try to think of new ways to make it less cliché – because it’s pretty cliché at the moment. Too many couples – as I stated. Arabella’s relationship with Lex is very lacking in excitement. Also, the story has totally disregarded Eghasa – which I find more interesting than swimming with Kelpies for eight hours. 
          That’s my review!

xCatherine

ELEMENTS CRITIQUE
          
          As the story begins, I was immediately drawn in, my attention completely captivated. The prologue is full of so much suspense and so intriguing that I had immediate high hopes for the story.
          Completely enthralled I expected a magnificent entrance of chapter 1, but I found a second prologue that slightly deviated from the first one. Such a large error in your novel makes it look very immature and unprofessional. I suggest that you pay attention to such detail.
          Chapter 1: The opening part with Arabella’s thoughts is quite odd. When you state what you know, you say: My name is Catherine and I am x years old and I live in xxx, xxx on planet Earth. It would be unnatural to cats and dogs exist on this planet and people are able to build tremendous structures. That’s just weird.  We wouldn’t say that in parallel to living on Earth, nor could I picture Arabella saying that just because she comes from somewhere else.
          Lex making Bree cry was rather cliché/cheesy.  I like the idea of Simone and Elise but Bree made it a bit cheesy.
          Arabella’s common everyday outfit changed from a school uniform to a floor length dress. You need to be more consistent on small details like that.
          I love the Victoria’s Secret part! Ha!