Me: 
*Clears throat* 
"Reading, its something that I have loved my whole life. As a while reader once said-"
Readers:
"We don't care!"
Me:
"What?!"
Readers:
"Just get on with it!"
Me:
*Adjusts imaginary tie*
"Well then, I hope you guys like my books and I want to be able to thank you all for coming here today-"
Readers:
*Glares*
Me:
"Alright, alright! Just I hope you enjoy!"
*Smiles awkwardly*

Hi! The name's Rainbow Watermelon but you can call me Rainmelon or Bowater for short, (yes I know they are lame so you can always resort to using R.W. instead).  I read, write, eat watermelon and look at rainbows. My hobbies include swimming, horse riding, eating and just being around animals. I put the pro in procrastination and I like to think that I am quite a professional sarcasm-ist *smiles stupidly*. Warning: the following sarcasm is performed by trained professionals, don't try this at home (this may result in punishment from parents and in severe cases; grounding). So I hope you guys enjoy my books that I write but I do warn you I have a policy of school work before wattpad work so I will try and update whenever I can. 

*Stands there awkwardly*
"Sooo, you can go and read now."
*Everyone gets out their phones*