Dori秋.

It will take a long time for me to return, but I'll not leave you hanging--have a good night. 

So this decision to make a comeback wouldn't be easy. I also need to finish some poem projects before focusing on publishing a story again. Realizations came a lot this month especially since I had a breakdown because my writing style isn't the same as before, pressuring myself to let those words appeal in your eyes and went so far using ai to revise it, comparing my past self, and much more. I thought that my talent died, I lost my precious talent...I don't want to lose my only talent given. This talent is so precious, I want to pursue this literacy. I know it's still not over. Telling myself to let those creative juices flow and be myself with those words and scenes--forget about perfection, don't worry too much about the time, what matters is the progress I've made through all these years! Find that purpose again! Now, I already graduated in Senior High, I would like to grab the opportunity to start again by reconnecting to my roots and never stop learning. I want to keep this in mind and my heart. 

Although making poems is so fun and stimulating, I know I'll not stick to this, this is not what I really want to do. I want to write a story whether it's fanfiction, au, or REAL fiction. I'll still continue to write poems, but it will not be my focus anymore. My Senior High Years were so tough, mentally draining like I can't survive without a bucket of fishes, I only had a bread.  I know that my followers or no one will care about this message but for those who read my books, thanks for supporting me even though I'm not usually active. (I'm telling you, I have bunch of notebooks full of poems) 
          

2023, I've been through a lot of burnout, mental distress, and social anxiety. Keeping the best I could just to perform well in school. I lost my pal's trust, gripping on my problems, and much more. I coped through poems, releasing all of my feelings on those sheets of paper pouring my tears out. It's a burden on my shoulder. In those moments, I kept suffering from isolation and loneliness, away from those people and doing the same thing.  This year as well, I lost my interest in innovating stories and the fire burning inside was lost--those poems? I was doing it so that I can still keep in touch that I should pursue my talent in the future. So what's the point of the loss of passion? The answer was there: no time. The day when I'll spend the whole time dedicating to outline a chapter and practice writing on random scenes? That's the passion I'm talking about--the commitment, yet, stuck in academics. I'm fully aware that I have bad time management and suffering from procrastination. You know what I mean, I lost my purpose why I want to write and innovate. I was stuck in the cycle like oh "let's make a poem, just for the record and go back to academics". It's tiring and mostly frustrating. All those genuine sparks were absent because of these happenings

In those years, especially 2022 was a huge change-- I was a Senior High Student spending most of my time in academics-- sure I was able to write some short stories but (I swear, leaving projects are my behind because I'm not consistent and lack motivation)... You know already. The more I spent my time in academics, the more I lost time for my personal time--even my weekends are occupied with academics. In this case, the only way to keep up my creativity and continuing my journey was through poems. I often wrote poems about everything from frustration to nostalgia. Everything is there. I also made projects, and posted somewhere on Facebook. (Wait, posting poems somewhere didn't happen this year, sorry for misleading) 

Good Evening, Long Time No See
          
          First of all, it's been years since I transferred to my other account and abandoned this. It wasn't even clear why I impulsively decided to make a new account (probably I'm going to delete that soon)--I was in my teenage years. I also abandoned the projects planned and my very first story revision plan was left to rot. I sincerely apologize for not pushing the rest of my projects and leaving all behind.