ramdom_person163

@ramdom_person163 *readies my imaginary bat to bonk*

@ramdom_person163 hope you're doing well man

@ destructionseris  yeah i'm doing fine 
            
            I'm using this free time to train more and to focus more in school 

@ramdom_person163 btw i got a question, is team canopus gonna shows up or they only get mentioned in the story

@ DngTrnc745  for now i have only though of Matikanetannhauser
            
            Idk about the rest...maybe Nature 

@ramdom_person163 who’s the more unfair team, rigil or our team?

@ ASIMP4YANDERE  i was waiting for your comment
            
            Also our team is still gonna be more unfair
            
            But rigil...it's gonna be unfair too

@ramdom_person163 there are certain situations that require words, and certain situations that require action, and imma send a hug back to you

@ramdom_person163 oh congratulations to your friend! I hope that you’ll also be able to go international at some point too!

@ramdom_person163 almost same rip, school just likes making us suffer more

@ramdom_person163 I think it’s be pretty cool if you went into the accurate lore of halo, cause umamusume tends to usually avoid that (due to their policies I think) (also I’m really happy to continue to support you!)

@ ASIMP4YANDERE  allright 

@ Tsukano_Yukori  
            Btw
            
            What do You think about a halo backstory?
            
            Because...i Made sunday backstory based on the actual irl history of him
            
            But....halo irl was abused as a foal...i don't know
            
            Like
            
            What do You think?

I honestly think you improved very well from the original Crown's Beast. It feels more like, I dunno how to explain it but more alive. Definitely an improvement so don't be too harsh on yourself.

@ramdom_person163 Honestly I dunno, personally I already like your writing the way it is right now, but I guess if you want you can try world building more like having little moments where Y/N interacts with somebody that isn't part of the main cast and isn't crucial to the plot, like another trainer or other umas for example. Little moments like those can definitely enhance the reading experience. If you'd like I'd recommend reading other fics for inspiration if you're struggling to come up with something. Always remember to take your time and not rush things though, make sure you yourself is satisfied with whatever you write first.

@ reek2x  thanks youuu so much
            
            Could You tell me in what i improved and what should i improved please?‍↕️

@ramdom_person163 I think you should add them again cause if it’s a tribute I think it’s pretty cool of you to show that so that people can remember them (think Aston Machan) but it’d also be cool to get people to be interested in horses outside of umamusume too!

@ramdom_person163 I tend to be a silent observer a lot, but I’m genuinely eating up your fanfics and I’m sure others do as well, they probably just don’t comment much tho

@ ASIMP4YANDERE  thank you very much for your support And yes, I do plan to continue, I already have the ending in mind and the whole problem is that I am torn between two endings. I don't know if you've read the original crown beast but in that one I ended up adding real-life legendary horses specifically... well I don't know if you want me to tell you in case you didn't read the original and want a surprise but I'm debating whether I should add them back or just stay with the team... I added them to the original as a tribute to the horses and to show their stories and so on, but I don't know. what do you think?