Amethyst

Oh my god guess who's still alive? ANYWAY LEMME UPDATE FOR NO REASON: I'm officially becoming desensitized to faliure- Like I'm reading all my past comments and recently I wrote 14 VERY important AS trial exams for my school and I only managed to pass 3 of them. I only cried for a few minutes and sulked for only a day- however I found a really sweet human being and said human really cheered me up that day. So is it really desensitization or is it just the dopamine I recieve from the person I love? I'm not sure. I'm cringing at my spelling mistakes but I never double checked these messages as they were always written in some bathroom when I was crying. Although sometimes it's while I'm in bed.
          I haven't opened this account in ages- but I struggled to find it to show someone I mentioned it to.
          
          Anyways I'm 17 now so I wrote all this when I was 14
          
          r/14andthisisdeep am I right?
          
          Anyways
          
          Stress is unbelievable
          My 14 year old cousin got adopted my us, I'm a middle child now, my aunt passed away, I'm on new drugs that make me happy and on concentration drugs and... THE PILL. Anyways I've not passed a single Chem, physics or maths test all year despite putting in hours of work after school and doing help sessions each week.
          Uh
          My roomate left, so my cousin became my new roomate
          Our bunny passed away so we got  new bunnies named Mittens and Fluffy
          They're adorable but I found out I'm allergic. :(
          I also somehow managed to convince my entire family it's a good idea to get chickens.
          SO WE GOT CHICKENS 
          4 big ones and 2 baby ones from a family friend:) [in which the husband also passed away]
          (Our original babies passed away so we got 3 baby chicks instead)
          I raised those little fucks from the day of their birth. I loved them.
          I named one Suki (because it looked like it was painted, and Suki from atla pains her face-)
          I named the other one Biggie, because she was twice the size of the other two
          And I named the 3rd one Big Boi
          So Suki and Big Boi turned out to be roosters.

Hi, I was just sorting through my followees when I came across your profile. I don't mean to spam, but I saw some of the works in your reading list, and I've got a recommendation I'm super excited about rn that I think you'll enjoy:
          "Lakeside Vampirical" is about Talia, a girl with hyper-potent VanHelsing blood, but uniquely no ability to practice magic and defend herself. She has spent her life both in hiding from and under the protection of a charming but domineering Pureblood Vampire who swore to one day make her his "blood slave." What happens when he finally comes for her, and when her heart struggles to decide between him and another?
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/180609161-lakeside-vampirical-under-editing

Idk don't keep scrolling unless it's a do or die situation- personal  c r a p  that is more dramatic than professional drama films and telenovelas- idk just a warning before you keep scrolling.

Idk what to say. I'm in a sad phase now but in a happy state or is the happy state just my brain attempting to be happy?
          Lemme explain.
          
          My dog... she passed away a few days ago but out of respect for her memory i didnt post anything yet- i wrote a whole entry but never posted it.
          
          She was absolutely beutiful  and I don't mention it enough- 
          She's a chocolate coloured poodle and she was my whole world for 11 whole years I would constantly worry about her, and care for her and comfort her every time she got scared of thunder~
          
          I've been having extremely happy or sad emotions with no in-betweens. It's so frustrating- I want to bawl my eyes out every time I'm not keeping my brain stimulated. I'm becoming a bit more insomniatic in sleep as well- haven't slept well since then.
          I keep thinking back to: she COULD be walking and alive, but she's  n o t.
          
          I don't know how to deal with grief but I'm managing I think- idk if this even is grief. I don't remember having it before. I have a really bad 'emotional' selective memory. 
          She's not here, but she  c o u l d  be

My phone is on 69% 
           -

I passed the year! Forgot to put this up like 2/3 weeks ago lol

Hellowwwww I am bored- my Business teacher told me I passed my Business exam so that's what I got going for me- what about u?

Hello y'all exams have started and I've had many internal  breakdowns about if I'm going to pass or fail the year. But, honestly? Who doesn't?

So this morning I was really in the mood for muffins or wafflins but I [didnt want too much of a mess] hA- so I decided to make 2 muffins. Then 4 muffins. I quickly found a recipe and then took 10 minutes to choose what size bowl I should use. Yeah... I'm not the best in the kitchen.
          36min later I officially accomplished seperating 2 egg whites, measuring tablespoons to mililiters, and mixing some sugar together. YaY it's wOrKiNg.
          My friend, who had joined me earlier, added the vanilla (due to my previous baking disaster-)
          So...20min later after deciding how I was going to melt the butter I finally came to the conclusion that I might need to make a few more dishes. Another cup was used.
          10min for me to convert some flour measurements.
          Mixing? 20 min. Yeah I'm slow.
          My friend added "a pinch of salt" hOW MuCH iS a PiNcH?! ThE fUc---
          Yeah I added the baking powder- really quickly actually 0-o ,and I don't remember my friend adding the milk- thank god otherwise... yeah, those won't be very nice muffins (and I kept reading '1 1/2' as "11/2" so I asked: "what's 11 over 2 seconds to add..." {what? Ikr. Imr.})
          My friend helped me with (taughtmehowtouse) the oven. I added some choc-chip and some cashews, almonds and macadamia nuts- 
          I excitedly asked my friend to film my accomplishment and so we documented my history. I was like paparazzi I swear -always taking pictures d: lol
          The choc-chips were like a mini volcano!   They keps oozing out the muffins while they were rising.
          And when we took them OUT.
          Wow. They smelt so gooood! A few photoshoot later- and I realise I can't share with my brother/pieceofshit bc he's allergic! yAY. Okay then. wOW.
          But when you bit into them... the nuts and chocolate... it was all melted and soft~ 
          Yeah that was an amazing breakfast ;D
          Definately reccommend when you're bored in the morning's y'all!!

 You know... things aren't bad now y'all. My skill of avoiding people has gotten beter and guys guess what?
          
          ...So we got our results back and- as expected- I failed Business Studies and maths-  But whatever! If Corona never happened I wouldn't have gotten videos I can't access and I would understand the topic.
           but otherwise I passed Afrikaans and even got 2 90's and a few 70's!!
          
          Only because I failed a core subject (maths) twice I got a 'condoned pass' and thankfully that's all that matters! (At least for now)
          
          Wow I can finally relax for a bit~ thanks God^-^
           I'm honestly so greatful for school to be over (for 2 weeks but still-)
          
          No stress, a really REALLY clean room and waffles. 
          
          What could honestly be better y'all ~¿