About the rewrite of the street-fight nerd!
SORRY! If it comes across rude just putting thoughts out there!!
The title doesn't go well, because in first book, she barely was in the streets out of the 20 chapters I only read about one street fight and 2 races, also the different names for her parts for the streets and for being an assassin, death isnt right way to go maybe use something simple like a colour or an animal like red wolf or grey hawk.
She was also over thinking to much about if she was kinky or not considering she was suppose be a confirmed bisexual, she was acting more like a nun to much. And Jacobs size? Way to much over the top bring it down a level, maybe don't have her as a virgin but make it her first time in a relationship or falling for someone aka Jacob and vice Versa him too.
Opening of the book I think would have suited her being at a fight and then introduced her friends that way, and how she had a fight with the one of the other gang members and them being at the school a few days later?!
The way you brought the characters in the first book was better, in the rewrite is all over the place you only introduced raven, yet that was still not catching, yes explain who she is and bits of what happened then explain how her life was up till now and how everyone came in from there, explain the characters places in her life.
space out correctly when they are talking from normal dialogue, so we know where we are.
