raven_strom

Chapter 3 of the rewrite is up!! Go check it out and tell me what you think.

A-micho1866

About the rewrite of the street-fight nerd!
          
          SORRY! If it comes across rude just putting thoughts out there!!
          
          The title doesn't go well, because in first book, she barely was in the streets out of the 20 chapters I only read about one street fight and 2 races, also the different names for her parts for the streets and for being an assassin, death isnt right way to go maybe use something simple like a colour or an animal like red wolf or grey hawk. 
          She was also over thinking to much about if she was kinky or not considering she was suppose be a confirmed bisexual, she was acting more like a nun to much. And Jacobs size? Way to much over the top bring it down a level, maybe don't have her as a virgin but make it her first time in a relationship or falling for someone aka Jacob and vice Versa him too. 
          
          Opening of the book I think would have suited her being at a fight and then introduced her friends that way, and how she had a fight with the one of the other gang members and them being at the school a few days later?! 
          
          The way you brought the characters in the first book was better, in the rewrite is all over the place you only introduced raven, yet that was still not catching, yes explain who she is and bits of what happened  then explain how her life was up till now and how everyone came in from there, explain the characters places in her life.
           space out correctly when they are talking from normal dialogue, so we know where we are.

A-micho1866

@A-micho1866 
            
            I think the first book was actually better even if it was up and down but it flowed in the right direction, I know they don't want to get caught but acting very weak isn't good either. And now sticking them in different circles? why can't they be friends in school? The drama girl and nerd isn't wrong to be friends with and doesnt everyone know zoey is jacks twin?!. I don't think you should separate them like that. 
            Also I like the idea weirdly of the healing super fast and no pain ability but I think if the 'experiment' was working she should also not leave any scares behind, so she has uniquely beautiful tattooed skin. But you didn't really explain how she ended up with the doc and why, seems you just thrown it in there for no reason. Maybe have the idea that she was experimented on as baby that's how she got the ability and she was treated that way because of her families background in assassin jobs. But she also had a loving family home.
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raven_strom

I'm sorry I haven't been updating my books but I've had some stuff I'm needing to deal with and get use to. 
          
          For one, high school. Hate it. 
          
          For two, I had my heart broken and I gave him my everything. 
          
          And three, my grandmother is having health problems. 
          
          I'll try but I'm beginning to think I just have to put all books on hold for the rest of this year and next year, possibly. Or just drop them completely. 
          
          Again I am so very sorry I haven't updated my books in months. I hope you can understand.
          
          
          ( I also posted this in one of my stories.)

HiCallMeKay

@raven_strom your so welcome
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raven_strom

Thanks so much
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HiCallMeKay

this message may be offensive 
@raven_strom  totally understand hope everything starts to look up on your end, High school really does suck UGH, I can help ya kill him no big deal, and I hope your grandma get better. Just remember your awesome.❤❤❤
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