Nova <3

Desperation will hide the fact that I am giving up. I'm tired my love. Sorry. <3

Came back on to fix a mistake. One out of my control. I got into an accident. Found out something about my health. I ran. Left discord completely. I didn't try and block you out. I overcamey health issues. Wanted to come back but I see your happy. So I hope you are doing well. I've tried to email you. Nothing went through. Spent all day trying to find this account. But I see you've moved on. I'm happy for you. Keep living. Keep fighting and growing. You got this. I'm here whenever you need me. If you still need me. Hope this new year is a good one for you... 
          
          -Winter/Frostbite

Don't wanna say something wrong
          Don't wanna be weird
          But if you're still in love with her
          I think that I'll leave it there
          And I won't ever tell you this

Does anyone know where they went?...

I'll watch the night turn blue
          But it's not the same without you
          Because it takes two to whisper quietly 
          The silence isn't so bad
          Till I look at my hands and feel sad
          Cause the spaces between my fingers
          Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I had always wondered if blonde would suit me. And it does. But idk if pink hair is what he wanted. He wanted every color and I took that away by being selfish. 

But if one of us dies.
          
          I hope I die first
          
          Cause I don't wanna live without you
          
          I don't ever wanna learn
          
          How to fall asleep without you
          
          Tell me what's worse
          
          Than losing you..

He's pissed at me. and it's my fault. Why didn't he just leave me?! Why was I his choice! I shouldn't have been! They should've been his choice! Fuck fuck fuck! Why do I hate myself so much.. I didn't mean for this to happen like this. This isn't fair to him. How do I fix this? I have to fix it.. it's my fault anyways. He didn't have to do it. I was prepared to push through for him. I doubt he wants to speak to me.. maybe he doesn't even love me anymore bc of this. Maybe I rly did.. fuck up.. if I had just fucking shut up for once in my godamn life. Maybe things WOULDVE been better. If he wants me out of his life.. he can.. I didn't mean for this to happen. I need to shut up more often. Ik he wants me to vent here.. but idk if will anymore. He always sees it.. and it always upsets him..

[vent/rant?]
          
          God what is wrong with me! I'm happy it's just us but I didn't want it to play out like this. I didn't know it would happen so suddenly! I didn't think he'd do it.. I was gonna just deal with it. Godamnit. The more I spoke the more I hurt him.. he's lost friends bc of me.. because I was fucking stupid. I hate myself so much! I didn't mean for it to happen like this.. gosammit.. 

Why is he so pretty. Why is he so hot. Why is he so nice. Yes, some things are usually deal breakers for me. But shit. At this point. W him? Idc. I just want to be with him. And I always want him happy. And if he's not happy with me, then I'll let him leave. I won't fight him if he wants to leave. But I don't want him to. I wanna stay in his life forever. But. idk if he wants me there forever tbh