Ia & I. E. B.

Hey guys,
          
          as you might have seen, I was actually able to write some chapters again. I know that 3 Chapters in 3 Weeks isn't great, but since a lot of the planning for the stories is done, it will be a much smoother process going forward.
          
          I've really missed writing, really missed sharing stories and emotions with every single one of you and I still can't fathom, that I am finally back. In the last 1,5 years, many things changed. I became someone different, especially in recent times, though I am not necessarily unhappy about it. But I am 100% committed to my writing and craft.
          
          And without you guys, that would not be possible. Some of you have been here since the beginning of my journey, and now there are 460 people following me, and The Switch just reached 60k views last week! I'd love to give something back to you guys and for that, I want to offer you the choice to pick a third novel, that I will slowly be working on. LMLTS (name will be changing soon, the OG Version of The Switch) and Ardor (name will be changed to The Ties between us) will be updated weekly. The third story will take a couple weeks to prepare but will then be posted every two weeks and, when there is extra time on my end, weekly.
          
          Please comment which of those options you would prefer:
          
          - Behind the glass (3 Couples: Crime writer x Rescued, Ex Boyfriends reunited, Ceo x ??)
          - If I could give my heart to you
          - New story (supernatural about a young man who summons a spirit to enter the spirit realm to save his sisters soul)

Hello there,
          
          It has been longer than I realised, since I last stepped foot on wattpad. Almost 2 years... and my life feels almost like a different one. I'm alive and somewhat okay, but the time since I've last written, was .... rough, to say the least. I don't want to go in details, but I do want to apologise for my return to have taken so long.
          
          In all honesty and transparency, I haven't really written anything at all. I pushed writing away from me, since I am no longer friends with someone that was deeply linked to writing for me. For a while it was painful just thinking about it and I've generally struggled for a long time with writing. 
          
          The issue was never really, that i had no ideas left, but rather my feeling of never writing anything good enough, worthy enough, of being read by others. I felt like an imposter, as if all your comments and views weren't something I really deserved. I wouldn't call myself a good writer or even decent, not because I want others to proof me wrong, but since I don't have a high opinion on myself.
          
          From time to time, I reread my stories and whenever I did, I could feel the tingle in my fingers, to write again. But between University, Work, my psychological illnesses and life, I just never felt quite good enough or as if I was really doing something "worth it". I'm sorry.
          
          I won't go into this promising you X Updates per week, but I will try my best to write and continue stories in general, even if it takes a little. I will for now take on the rewrite/official writing of "Love me like the Sun" (Fanfiction Version: The Switch) and Ardor (FF version: Tie my heart to yours). Those will be rewrites, adding additional parts to the story and improving especially the language, but this also means that Tie my heart to yours will not be continued as a fanfiction.
          
          I will try posting the first updates this week.
          
          
          Thank you for all your support and passion.

* Decisions *
          
          Hey guys,
          
          I know I have been gone for a while. I have seen many of you commenting or asking for Updates and I am now at a point where I want to talk about something with you. I am unsure when exactly it started, but I have started to drift away from the BLs I used to watch. Nothing really happened but it just did not feel the same way as it used to and  the last one I really watched were Moonlight Chicken and Between Us. 
          
          When I started really writing here in August 2020, I had just discovered Thai BLs and really liked them a lot. I started the "Beside you" Fanfic and then started posting The Switch. Latter one I first started writing as a non-fiction... but when no one read it I made it a fanfiction. I just did not think my writing was good enough for someone to read my story just for it - that something else was necessary. I really thought about it hard but I just feel so disconnected from the whole fandom and the media, that I feel uncomfortable to continue writing it. 
          
          Which brings us to the big proglem: I will not finish the stories I have started. An exception might be the Tie my heart to yours, but all others will not be continued. I will write those stories in the non-fiction variant but that will take time too..
          
          I can understand if you unfollow me because of this and I am really sorry to disappoint you. I will leave those stories and mark them as discontinued while moving them to the finish works.
          
          I do have a lot of ideas for future stories (most will be BL  too) that are fiction but not fanfiction.  I would be happy if you stay and read my new stories.
          
          
          Thanks for everything and I am really sorry

Is the switch part 2 already available?

Hello when will you start 4ever? 

Ummm can u make a gulfmew story where mew is the most dangerous mafia and gulf is mew's servant son

* Life Update *
          
          
          Hey guys,
          
          I know right now the life updates have been more than the actual chapters but I really need to vent for a moment.
          
          
          After the last update more and more things kept happening. More really strong bpd symptoms, a panic attack while we were in the middle of eating out in a nice restaurant (our first outside date for a month because I had been feeling bad for so long)... a huge mental breakdown and more bpd symptoms. The only breather or bright spot was me getting a tattoo appointment for a tattoo I've been wanting to get for a long time:
          
          half the side of a moon with a transition to the other half being a sun, as a soulmate tattoo with @darksprinkles_321 . The design was amazing and I was really looking forward to it until... the tattoo ended up completely different from the design. The colours were mostly right and the general concept, but it looked nothing like her design. even worse she didn't tell me the most important part of the after care (to wash it multiple times a day with antibacterial soap) so I only found out when I was on a very good way to an infected and had bubbles with yellow liquid inside where ever she had used white ink. I only found out about that aftercare issue on day four (this monday) and while it has started peeling the bubbles are still there on the new skin layer, even though much smaller - but there still hills and it feels weird. Oh and did I mention that the tattooing experience was bad too because she explained nothing before the tattoo and I was crying cause I felt so bad during it? 
          
          Had a mental breakdown earlier because of all of that and I really wanted to get back to writing today... I will try my best to at least write one chapter after this announcement as a sorry for all of you for being gone for so long... life is just unbearably difficult right now.
          
          Love,
          
          Ia

* Current Situation * (Part 1/2)
          
          
          Hey everyone,
          
          to be honest I have been contemplating the whole day whether or not to write an update here but deemed it necessary just to let you know what's going on.
          
          
          My health, both physically and mentally, hasn't been the best since the 6th. I already mentioned that my bpd symptoms have been acting up much more, and sadly still are doing so. I've been struggling to get myself to eat normally for around 2-3 weeks now and have been having a hard time going to sleep. I just feel anxious a lot and can't put my phone away at night because of those feelings, I also have been naturally waking up after 4-5,5h with no alarm and couldn't sleep last night as well. This morning  after eating something after 14 or 15h, i got a really bad stomach ache or stomach cramp. It was painful enough that I wasn't sure if I could even go to this one university course I have really wanted to participate in. Even after painkillers it hurt but I still ended up going. It's been a bit better but due to my stomach feeling not the best the last two weeks (like getting nauseous a bit after eating, feeling less hunger, feeling like throwing up if i lay down on my left side after eating, and a couple other things) I will likely have to go  to a doctor tuesday or wednesday and get a blood test and explain my issues. 
          
          Sadly, with these issues going on an university, I am having a hard time. I feel limited by my body and mind and have to tone down the amount of energy I spent, which directly translates into the amount of updates I write and which stories to focus on. Having 5 different ones with 7 chapters per week is just not doable in this state. While contemplating, I decided to focus on the stories which are getting the most of your support and that feel the least exhausting and draining. Due to that, for now I will only be updating

(Part 2/2)
          
          "Behind the Glass" , " If I could give my Heart to you" and "Tie my Heart to yours"
          
          I am not abandoning the others, I will update them once I am healthier again and am able to, but for now I have to prioritise my health. I feel deeply sorry about that and I wish it was different, I really do.  I first thought I could just sit this out. That this would be over after a couple of days... but it wasn't. I thought I just need to wait a bit more and a bit more and ... everything would be fine. But it's not. Sadly.
          
          If I am complete honest with you guys... I have no idea what to do or how to improve the situation. Of course, getting a checkup is the right idea, especially since my Vitamin B12 was really low back in november. I don't believe it got better honestly, since I kept forgetting taking the pills i need. I'll wait for the blood results and then decide what to do.
          
          For now I will see how many chapters I can write and only focus on those three, because I love your reactions to it. You seem to enjoy it a lot, there are votes, I see you waiting for an update... and it cheers me up a little. I always love reading comments or messages and I am always grateful for your support.
          
          I am sorry again for the inconvenience and hope you can forgive me for having to put the other two stories on hold for the time being.
          
          Love, Ia

Rambling
          
          
          Hey,
          
          I just wanted to apologise to all of you. I know the last four days the updates haven't come as often anymore... and YFl's and 4ever's update were already 10 days ago. 
          
          I'm writing, no need to worry about that, but I am also kind of struggling with my illness right now. I had an pretty bad episode (mixture of symptoms) of my bpd start on the 6th in the evening... and while it usually took just a couple hours or a day to go away, it's still somehow going. It was almost gone saturday, but some happenings threw me right back in and I had one of my rarer symptoms make an appearance. Not sure if if it really falls under dissociation or depersonalisation, for me my emotions just kinda fall off me and I can not experience any kind of emotion at all. It's something I get only rarely and has usually been gone completely after 2 or 3 hours... but it went on in full strength for like 7hours, gave me only 3,5-4h of sleep and was going on for most of the day today. It's still faintly there but at least I can write again. 
          
          Also, university is starting again today and tuesdays are particularly challenging, 6hours in a row with no break, 3 different subjects. 
          
          As a thank you for your patience I will be posting two WinTeam oneshots in the Bl Oneshots books and will make sure all ongoing stories (except the Golden Blood series) will get an update till friday. That's the plan.
          
          Sorry again for disappointing all of you.