Some constructive criticism-
1) Format your stories well. Most readers get intimidated by a huge wall of text and not bother reading it at all. So, try your best to add multiple paragraphs, even one liners to emphasise a certain sentence.
2) Proof read your stuff. Typos, punctuation errors and grammatical mistakes can project an image of an amateur writer, which further makes your story less attractive to a casual reader.
3) Add depth to your plots. The plot for your first story, (excuse me for being blunt) was really shallow. I understand it was a first try, but it can be a million times better if you invest a little more time in writing. Readers connecting to the protagonist and emphasising with his/her situation and circumstances is a characteristic of a great plotline. Make the readers feel like they know the characters in your story well. Longer stories can make this infinitely helpful
I'm not a pro writer or anything, I just read a lot of stuff, and I know how to judge people's work and give them positive criticism to move forward. I don't know why, but I feel like you have great potential. Hit me up if you feel like talking, and good luck!
PS- Gonna take a wild guess, you're an Indian girl whose life is kind of a lot like the protagonist of your story, let me know if I'm right
