i genuinely just want to die, but i'm too much of a coward to do so. I accidentaly made a plan to do so but, i don't have the guts to do so. I can't bear the thought putting a rope on my neck. What if everything got fixed the next day? If i stayed alive, everything wouldve been fixed? I hate the feeling of being alive, being a part of this society and world, all i do feels futile, meaningless. But if i didnt do it, i would fall, fall into a hole and maybe never get out of it. All the fast pleasures, videos, games, sugar, food, love, makes it all go away, for a few moments. But then, it hits. Just after i hanged out with my family or friends, i get that feeling. That feeling of loneliness, unworthyness and sadness that i can never seem to get rid of, i try to forget it by watching anime, playing league of just sleep, but theres always a moment that i don't do any of these, when showering or trying to sleep. And it hits even harder. Will i ever be normal? Will i ever feel worthy, happy and accompanied? I feel like i'll never will, not anytime soon. Everything goes by so fast, yet slow at the same time. The only moment i'm in peace, is when i sleep, being unconcious. If i were dead, i'll be completely free from all this.
