Corinne

May or may not be starting a True Beauty fic...
          
          To be fair- it has been an open project, but I just got my best friend to get into it, and now I'm hyperfixating on it again. True Beauty will always have a special place in my heart.

Well, I donated. But we had to stop early, because I had a reaction. So my arm seized up and went numb. I started to feel lightheaded and nauseous, and my hearing went out. So that was fun. On the plus side, I did get paid. When I got my physical, I couldn't really hear the lady speaking to me. I tried to ask her to repeat, but I don't think she understood me, and I felt bad asking again. She started to say something about my iron levels and then just cut off. My vitals had to be checked three times before I could leave, but I'm okay now.

I have my physical today, I'm scared. I'm hoping I can donate today, too, if everything goes well.

Last Part, So Sorry. If you're still reading, you're a real one. 
          
          I realized how badly I really wanted this. And how for years I have been staring it in the face and pushing it aside (out of sight out of mind) this entire time. I distracted myself with art, thinking I'd be an artist - then when that burned out, I said I'd be a writer and write books and though I'm still writing my own book series and fanfiction and intend to follow through with it, the idea of just being a writer eventually burned out too. And then I found fashion design, and as much as I love it, I can not imagine myself fully surrounded by that industry. I love my craft, but I could not simply fall in fashion- so ofcourse that burned away, too. And then came makeup, and I fantasized about being a makeup artist for film sets and even jumped into the idea of film costume design - maybe even for Broadway. But really, as I've come to realize and stop running away from the idea- I can not imagine myself in any other field than acting or film. And so I've been joining groups,  taking in casting calls, and trying to teach myself everything I can, being that I can't pay for a teacher. So if anyone has any tips, resources, or anything they are willing to share- I would greatly appreciate it, and it will not go to waste. Hopefully, as I gather myself back together and work on healing the parts of me, I've tried to sedate for so long that I'll be able to be more active in my writing and my reading. And if you read to the end, thank you so much. I appreciate every last one of you, no matter how small the crowde is. ♡♥︎♡
          
          

Part Four? ToT
          
          At the end of last year, when the cast for the Hunger Games film 'Sunrise on The Reaping' came out, that was when I really kicked myself. Because the second I saw Mckenna Grace's face (who is beautiful casting, btw), I realized I totally could've auditioned for the role of Merillee Donner. Simply because I look so similar to Mckenna. And even if I didn't get it, I could have tried. But I told myself I couldn't have known because truly I couldn't have, but at the same time, why did I pass up so many opportunities over the years? Why didn't I audition for Sunrise the moment casting came out, I had already fantasized about being in the Hunger Games film franchise several times throughout my life and even more so when the book for Sunrise came out. Why didn't I just take a chance? Or why hadn't I joined any local groups? Watched podcasts and YouTube videos? Read books on acting? Why hadn't I used any of the resources and opportunities around me? And as the months went by about me thinking about this and more and more content, especially involving Sunrise and Mckenna Grace's recent works like Regretting You, FNAF, and others- 

Part Three. I'm sorry, I didn't realize how long this would be.
          
          All this talk of careers and jobs really slapped me in the face, though, and I've been kicking myself ever since I realized. – Ever since I was six years old, I have been interested in acting. My mom used to say I'd make a good voice actress, and I was always interested in film. But all throughout my life in school, while I could've been taking theatre lessons, I took art instead. There's nothing wrong with that, I love art. But it's the reason behind it that really hit me in these recent months. The reason I never joined theatre and pushed myself into art instead was simply because art was familiar and theatre was not. I grew up in a family of artists, and I knew I was good at it. I was too shy to join theatre where a lot of the extraverted kids went, so I went with the introverts in art. It was the fear of something new and the fact that I didn't want to be pushed outside of my little bubble of comfort I created. But every year I passed theatre by, I regretted it. So much so that I would go to plays to watch and wish it was me on the stage. I would play pretend that I was a movie star for years. Dreaming and fantasizing, and by the time high school came around, I told myself it was too late. Everyone else had been in theatre since middle school or even elementary. So, four years of high school were full of excuses but even more so of regret. Because I could have been doing it this whole time, but I wasn't confident and I didn't push myself. 

Part Two of my rant.
          
          To move forward, I've been struggling to get a job, and it was especially tough during the government shutdown due to the increase in competition among the unemployed. Nobody really wants to hear about that, though. As I said before, I've not been in the best of health. For the record, I have low iron and magnesium, and yes, I am on supplements for that. But, my brothers have been donating plasma, and I have an appointment on Tuesday for a physical to see if I am qualified to donate. If so, I will be able to donate that same day. However, I'm worried that my low blood pressure and low iron will make me incapable - not to mention if I don't meet the required weight, I will be turned away. I haven't been weighed properly in a couple of years, and it's been shify, but I've been between 80 and 120, and the requirement to donate is a minimum of 140 lbs. The reason I'm so desperate to donate is the fact that I'm in a serious need of money, and these donations are paid. And yes, it is a safe place. However, I am aware of the political capitalist scheme of these plasma donation places and how underpaid the donaters are. Because the amount these businesses are making is so high that they could be paying their donators three times the amount that they are. However, as I've said- I'm desperate. On the plus side of the rise in plasma donations due to the amount of unemployed and desperate underclass citizens, there has been a decrease in drug users as people are so desperate for money that they are getting clean in order to meet the requirements to donate. What a world to live in. 

I'm so sorry I haven't been active lately. I've been off and on with an illness, and there's been a lot going on in life these past few months. I may start using Wattpad as a rant space cause I need an outlet for this lmao. If you don't wanna hear me rant, please ignore the following. :)
          
          Recently, there have been pet losses. My family dog  passed away right after the very hard loss of my best friends dog. So that's been really tough not only on my friend but also on my family. Really weird year as a pet owner because my cat has been having seizures again, and my other one (Lucas) got sick a few months ago. Due to his breed, we found out he has a really small urethra which can cause blockage and crystals, as well as an increased risk of urinary tract infections (which if you've ever experienced a urinary tract infection, you will know it's awful). Then ofcourse right after Lucas got sick, my dog Marley had- (^$&×<@:#;<">#;">@:#;</a> TMI !!!! #& class="on-user-mention" href="/user/&@;@)">@&@;@) - a swollen anal gland, and that was rough. We were able to nurse her and Lucas back to health. My other cat still continues to have seizures, and to note- my family does not have the money to make vet visits or pay for a vet, so any time our animals get sick it is up to us to save them and do everything we can to help. My mom works at an animal shelter, which granted does not make her qualified, but it gives her access to people who have the right qualifications and answers for what we can do with our budget from home. So, yeah, weird and awful year for a pet owner. 

I just finished part one of Stranger Things season 5....This one's gonna hurt.

It's late at night, and I'm designing outfits for my Hunger Games characters. There will be new chapters out for Where The Dead Still Sing soon, but allow me to indulge in a little fashion design for the night. 
          
          Also, I may or may not have named a character, Sateen...I'm sorry I couldn't help it. I had to make a Rouge reference, even if I changed the spelling. Guess the district ;)