This is a poem I wrote a month ago, trigger warnings are fair!
I’m sinking and no one seems to notice.
No one seems to care.
I wake up sweat dripping, scared to fall back asleep.
I lay awake at night staring at the sealing.
Begging god to take this.
I’m sorry for fantasizing of being gone today.
My thoughts have calloused.
My thoughts eating me alive, nothing left, trying to move to breath in air.
But my vocal cords get tight.
Scared to turn on the lights at night.
I’m fine, yeah aside from the jumpiness the constant overwhelming crushing fear that somethings terrible is about to happen.
It's not just a feeling it’s like a panic attack, like I can’t even breathe.
I’m underwater and no matter how hard I try to swim to the top I always sink.
I am not angry I am in pain!
And no matter how hard I try it just hurts no matter who tells me it’s going be okay, because it’s not.
Nothing is okay, look around, look at what’s happening, happening to me....
I can’t breathe!
I am in pain!
