☆Veena☆

Hey been a while. Im here to say im doing decent. I took summer classes to advance a yr in math. My dad's immigration appointment is soon and I pray that will go well. My quincenera was 2 months ago. I start sophomore yr in like 3 weeks. I've been clean but I've been crying a lot lately dont know what thats about. My arthritis has spread to my ankles and I get an mri soon. My arthritis is no longer severe in my jaw and I also now have braces. I've really been doing well socially and kinda getting over my fear of talking !! Hopefully the rest of the yr is good!!

Hey uh so yeah life update I'm doing fire even though I almost killed myself a while back with a shit ton of pills well wtvr :□ anyways so lifes been okay ish chat I'm faling everything and my chronic pain has gotten way worse and the medicine for it makes me wanna kms today in particular was okay uh I woke up went to school had a math test sucked . Spanish class easy A as always English was kinda ok it was a test but I always do good in English so yeah and than uhm choir was a free day cuz chamber went to an opera and I just sat there eating cookies. Than at lunch it was me and only one person cuz one person had a band thing and the other went to the opera so I was all alone with thag one person so we went to the library where I was choosing between Alice in wonderland and les mis and this boy said les mis so I chose les mis also I already read Alice in wonderland so yeah than I went to p.e which was also a free day because it was raining and I really liked the rain than I had science which was okay ish and lastly I went home and washed my cat. So good day tbh. I also finished my quince invites!

Also does anyone watch school spirits even tho I know nobody responds to these since like 2022

Haha not dead yall suck on that! I did take like 7 tylenold but guess what that's right under the limit before ur at risk of organ failure so all good i just slept like 2 days straight and it was just what I wanted ❤️

O thi k this its i think jm dying this timw

Hey chat guess who took 2000mg lf tylenol 
          Me! The party in my tummy is top notch

February 1st 2025. 6:50-7:06
            
          
                    UH my fault on the whole disappearance as of updates. I can explain! I didn't wanna:( So I didn't! My last update was in December and I said I was gonna get help in January. 
          
          Yeah no I didn't im sorry. But hey these are to talk about the present NOT the past and January was a whole day ago. So let's talk about my day maybe week maybe month. Yeah let's do month!
          
          So winter break was not the best not the worst. I did not feel very happy on Christmas and absolutely not New years as I freaked when the clock stuck 12 and everybody started screaming happily. I ran off to the bathroom to calm down and just cried. New year new me though!!! 2028 is my year! So in the mean time I will. Cry? Yeah anyways so my January was pretty okay ish. A neighboring town caught on fire and was completely destroyed and so was much other towns due to the eaton fire which, is my close by one, the palisades fire, and other various ones. I also decided pretty spontaneously to audition for a play and got the role as conrad in Much Ado about nothing which is the role I had hoped for. 
          
          Okay uh mentally wise yeah not great because I wasn't physically wise okay either. The inflammation has spread and my jaw is not improving! I had an mri a while back to check on that and I will probably find out on Tuesday during my infusion. I have also been having bad pain in my eye which is an inflammation sign. This unfortunately starts me over on getting off my methotrexate. Hopefully I'm wrong thought and it's anything ANYTHING else. Because when I say this will be my last straw I mean I will swallow as much pill as possible.

December 12th 9:38-10:17
          	Today’s not the best so far but I'm only two periods in so I guess I can't say much. I want to actually do this by the way, like writing in here daily, could be good for me and stuff. I want to say so much about everything that happens. Anyways, onto today. It’s the choir concert today and I'm feeling just okay about it. I’m not particularly excited about it but I guess it could still be fun. I want to audition for a duet for the next show. Just now there was also a lock down drill which was kind of annoying but also the insane amount of school shootings that occur in california is terrible so it’s very necessary. 
          
          	I want to start off this next little section by saying holy fuck am i gonna kill myself soon?
          Christmas is one week away and all I wanna do is chug down a shit ton of pills and die. For a year straight i was doing so good what the fuck happend. I guess I should give some relevant background info and shit. When I was in 6th grade 11 yr old I decided I hate myself. I picked up a cup on new years day or christmas one of the two i broke the plastic cup and used it to make six cuts in my arm. I kept the cup. I didn't use it again but I felt I would wanna one day. Anyways fast forward a year later in 7th grade and my god I hate myself even more but now i'm socially afraid!!! What's the solution to being chronically ill and in a life of pain and in a world where everybody hates you because of what you decided to do with love? Sucide is! So I grabbed a belt and guess what I did in fact hang there for about 10 seconds then I fell from the rope and just stayed silent. I would return to school the next day like nothing had happened.

Chat I am doing GREAT

One of my biggest fears lately is that I will never be capable of doing anything on my own. This diasese has completely taken over my life. People tell me not to let it control me but it does it always does. I used to think about how I wanted to move far from college but now I don't know how I would. How would I give myself my weekly injections. I'd have to find a new hospital for my infusions and checkups on it. Even if I learn to give myself the injection the brain fog is so bad the day after I cant do anything