rumble_12

Hi please try my works. Thanks.

Someone will say to me to be happy or glad that I still have both of my parents by my side. But will you be still happy if that said parents is also the one who is ruining you inside. Who only knows to compare you ever since and blame you for having such kind of attitude that they also have. Who does seem to notice your emotional struggle that you've been experience ever since your teenage years. I'm fuckin tired but I need to fight and I don't know how. And I don't know where to start. 

When you're too feed up living with your parents (you can't leave because it leave you being homeless) who only knows to ruin your feelings and motivation. Who only minds about money, who only sees you as a way to save their asses from poverty. And to make their come true. Who will also put blames on you for ruining their life with their own wrong decisions. And for depending on you in doing all things. Parents who will keep on dragging you to hell hole who says "na ayos na yang jan ka lang sa malapit magtrabaho" but will rant and compare you after having small salary. Parents who will lead you of thinking of taking your own life but also reminds you that it will burden cause your burial will surely needs a lot of money that will burden them after. 

When all you got is the bad traits of your parents and bad traits that you adapted from your surroundings and experience. Therefore, I conclude that I'm a certified trash that was invicible in everybody's eye

Imagining accidentally falling from the second floor of an unfinished house getting stuck in between the rusty steel. Just imagining (what a psychotic mind you had there thinking about myself in a morbid scenes). 

It seems that they didn't notice. My older brother didn't notice too. They don't notice I'm mentally struggling

I'm trying naman I try to apply in any job that suits my degree but I think I'm not qualified because of my trashed resume and application letter and because I don't have any experience I in only had my internship as experience
          

And because of the highest expectation of my brother that I will do everything well but it seems that I can't do anything because until I don't have any job

What to do when both of your parents are thinking about death. My father always sighed about death. He wanted to death because he don't to struggle with our financial status because of wanting to escape his wrong decisions. While mother wanted to be dead because she don't want it burden anyone with her health although she seems to be so healthy she's not she had pituiatary adenoma and cerebral thrombosis. She don't want to burden others to buy her medicine. While I'm thinking about death with the same reason with my father and because of the filing burden and pressure na magkatrabaho na ako at magprovide sa kanila

At first sila din naman bakit ganito kaming magkapatid. Kay kuya ko manonotice mo talaga epekto ng pagbabaya ng parents ko. Mayroon siyang malaking trust issue hanggang ngayon. Ganun din I had trust issue kaya nga di ako nakikisalamuha masyado sa bunso namin ewan ko pero masyado siyang bastos di siya marunong sumunod sa utos nila mama at papa napakatigas pa ng ulo. Kung sa bagay lumaki kasi siyang tinotolerate ang kalokohan niya. Haist I just want to change but I don't how to start. Our life are to messed up. At siguradong magsisimula nanaman araw kung nagtatalo ang mama at papa