I'm not sure if this is a safe place where I can express my feelings. My life's been going downhill. What I think, what I imagine for my next day, the opposite happens. I want to be kind but I really fear being naive. Wattpad is where I sought escape from reality. I'm not sure, but I've been feeling overwhelmed a lot lately. My expectations have always been broken. The loneliness has always taken over me, no matter how much I am surrounded by my own people. The reality that I don't want to accept but am forced to. I look at people and see how their eyes lit up with joy seeing their favourite people. Mine's never. How much I tried to be kind and helpful. I was always the extra wheel, only used when needed. I had only one man in my life, my father. I don't know how I'm gonna live the life I always imagined with my father will ever be fulfilled. Every festival reminds me of him. Where others lit up with joy, I am stuck with the past. But my past wasn't a fairytale. It was a cruel life a child would have suffered. Being the single child, playing with toys alone in one corner, at night my parents would shout and argue with each other, I didn't know what to do, so I just cried. While everyone is moving on with their life, I am still haunted by my past. All of my close ones, my friends, only remember me twice a year, my birthday and when I am needed. I never got a grudge to say no to people like Ruhi, dare to. I just want to live a life where I am joyful, not always a shoulder for people to lean on. I want a shoulder too, but I guess that will happen in my other life. I think I also don't know how to express my feelings when I am just joyful from the outside, because the darkness inside me has always been hidden. I hope you guys are doing well. I just wanted to vent out my feelings somewhere I feel safe.