why i hate my birthday?
at first i really didn‘t know but i quickly realised it. i think it trigger me. my birthday is the one day people have a chance to make me feel loved and appreciated and every year i don‘t feel that. i feel not important. i have the feeling i am sometimes not shown the same love i show others on theirs.
every year i made the mistake to expected a lot on my birthdays because on the birthdays of my family or friends i always try to do everything perfectly for them.
i mean, i have great friends and a beautiful family, but i feel my mother's sadness and problems, i feel my father's discomfort and escape and i feel my feelings. or not. my feelings are so influenced by others that i don't know if they are even my feelings. anyway, birthday sadness is the worst.
i just want one day when everything is the way it used to be. so beautifully colourful and full of joy, my parents happy. one day in a life without all these feelings from others.