@sarahbastillex
Nobody reads my latest writing, but I don't care. I started it as a project to later copy. And it was a way for me to sleep better at night because I start thinking about how much love I have for this person and I'll sleep if I get it out of me.
Why does my boyfriend have to be so flipping cute UGH
So my friend group of five got bigger over the last year or two and I've seen a lot of problems come up. There is no reason why we should be talking crap about each other because one guy is mad that this girl doesn't like him the same as he does. Like grow tf up we're seniors. So in church I had some powerful messages brought to me that I really needed to hear. So I'm gonna follow them. I don't care if people get mad at me. This isn't right. I'm not gonna let my best friends be hurt by people that don't even matter.
Okay sooo gonna vent again cause this bothers me a lot
@NICKLENZINI girl where
I should not have to go to bed crying. I should have the love of my life holding me close so I can hear his heartbeat and his breathing. My face shouldn't be hot from the tears streaming out of my eyes. My throat and chest shouldn't be hurting from the physical pain of trying to hold my breath till I pass out and the emotional pain that they don't care. I shouldn't be thinking about telling my love that I don't want to go out on our anniversary because I feel like I shouldn't be with him and because I don't want him to know about my depression and all the stupid stuff that's happened to me. I don't want him to know me as that way. I want him to see me happy all the time. I don't want to be the depressed girlfriend. I don't want to be depressed at all, but I don't think I'll ever escape that being in this house.
Nothing is ever gonna fucking change. The only thing that has changed was that I found the man of my dreams and he loves me. I'm trying to change, he's allowing me to do that. But it's so hard when I go home to people who say that they were going to change and do better, but they don't. They don't care about my feelings. They don't care whether or not I'm happy. They know I'm fucking depressed, and I never got any sympathy or empathy. I got "I knew you were" and a finger in my face. God my head fucking hurts. I want a change. I don't want anymore fake shit. No more dealing with other problems that cover this one up
I just need to be held tight
If you told me I was gonna be so in love this time last year I'd never believe you
I feel like I let him down. I know I let my parents down and that's a hard pill to swallow, but it hurts worse bc he wants to impress my parents so much. He really wants them to trust him and I ruined it. I let him do it. I could've just kept the door locked. I could have simply just said no. I'm so stupid. I ruined it for him. Our issue is time and now we'll barely get that. I can't even talk to him when I'm home. It sucks bc he makes me so happy. I'm finally happy. I have someone who is going to support me when I'm at my lowest points and I can't even talk to him. I hate myself. Why did I let this happen
