i'd like to believe that i am a writer 
i'd also like to believe i am a artist 
i'd like to believe that these words are only stories, thought up merely by imagination
not actual thoughts
i'd like to believe that i am sane, at least a little
i'd also like to believe that my parents are proud of me
i'm a good influence to my little sister
and my friends are actually my friends 
i am only seventeen, of course, i've barely experienced life, but i have seen death
the end of a bottle of pills, the sharp sting of a razor blade
i'd like to believe that i am a normal girl who loves pink and hollister and boys and sports and hanging out with all her friends, who screams kesha as she drives and has a beautiful boy to hold her close when she's sad and thinks a little about her weight but at the end of the night loves her pizza and brownies and being  normal and thin
i'd like to believe that i will be loved someday by someone who cares
who won't leave me for someone better
i'd like to believe i am worth it
i'd like to believe i am good 
but when you live your whole life being lied to, "You are thin/pretty/mybestfriend/someoneiwillalwaysbetherefor/someoneicantrust." 
is it really possible to simply believe?