The Chicken Queen

My dear Harlem Angel. Because your profile picture is cool, I will let you in on a little secret...My whole life is a lie. 
            Yes, you have caught me. I'm not of this world. I am of an alternate universe where humans succumb to their inner spirits. I am actually the Spirit of 'Sara' speaking to you, as Sara is unavailable right now, having eaten too many Krispy Kreme donuts to understand the difference between a donut and reality, because as they say, the life is a circle. Or is it the circle of life? Either way, this message does not make sense but it's okay! It's not supposed to! Being in a food coma is about the best thing that's happened to Sara, especially since it was caused by donuts. 
            It is that exact reason that has left her biography in the same way as it was written 3 years ago. Because what you see in the bio is no lie. Due to her food coma, Sara has remained the age of the fifth teen for the past three years. Her physical body has grown since that time ( thank god. You should've seen the baby fat. It's now been replaced by beautiful, round, donut fat) but her mental state is questionable. You must understand that Sara is quite Imbecilic. I'm sorry, stating the obvious. It's why her book that was planned 3 years ago is just that. A plan. Because she is a stupid, son of a- 
            "Uhh hello?"
            Crap! She awoke from her deathly donut slumber! I must go! Remember what I said! She is an idio- 
            "Whose there? Why are there voices in my head? Hello voice! Nice to meet you! My name is Sa-"
            Oh for goodness sake, take these donuts. 
            "GASP! I love donuts!"
            Ugh, eats like a pig. Disgusting. I'm ashamed to be your spirit 
            "OOOH, thdis ith- oh noh.-"
            Thank god. She passed out again. So sorry you had to witness this. Uh, hakuna Matata. It means no worries. For the rest of your days. And for some people, like this imbecile here, those days are very limited. 
            Please hakuna matata bout this message. I will send an apology letter on behalf of my body and dignity. Good bye 

You love... Love... Chi- WER HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE AND WHY AM I SUDDENLY SO DESPERATE TO TRAVEL THE WORLD TO FIND YOU?! 
            
            We could start our own chicken family  we could be goals. WE COULD BE SISTERS!!!! 
            
            I think it's safe to say that I have finally accomplished my goal in life: to find a human being with the same appreciation for the adorableness of chickens and their excessive cuteness. This is it. I'm done with life. Thank you for this opportunity. I shall bury myself in my covers and dream all about the amazing adventure my hypothetical chickens would have with your hypothetical chickens ( yours are hypothetical too, Coz if I can't have chickens, then no one can. :) . Sorry. It's the rules. You must abide these rules to save yourself.... *leans forward to whisper darkly* from me...) 
            
            :) 
            
            I HAVE THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THIS TIME WITH YOU. IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE TO MEET UR ACCOUNT PAGE. 
            
            Thank you for commenting! Subscribe- oh wait. 
            
            PS: loving your book btw, it's prettayyyyy funneeeee! you must tell your editor that she's doing the most wonderful job an editor can do ;) 
            
            ENJOY YOUR LIFE HUMAN! GOOD TO THE BYE! 

*GASPPP* Trains? TRAINS?! I LOVE TRAINSSSS!!!! Mainly because they remind me of chickens. 
            
            People use the train all the time, just like how they eat chickens and eggs. But no one truly appreciates the train, just how they don't appreciate how much effort that chicken put into pushing out that egg. 
            
            (Trust me. I've seen the struggle. It ain't pretty)
            
            So trains have a wonderful place in my heart, right next to chickens, and under procrastination. 
            
            Where did procrastination come from you ask? Maybe Coz I haven't written a book when I said I will soon, about 3 years ago. 
            
            BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH OHHMYGAWDDD what's funny. IDk. 
            
            Okay please excuse me, I'm not in the right state of mind at this very moment. I just ate a plate of donuts and now I'm writing a bucket list of things I would like to do before I die of diabetes. 
            
            ANYWAYS THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH FOR UR AWESOME PRESENCE ON MY PAGE! ENJOY UR LIFE AND ANIME AND HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE. 
            
            (It's one of the only ones I've watched. I didn't understand what was happening half the time but it was still very very BOORIFUL!)
            
            ENJOY UR DAY LOVELY STRANGER-SOON-TO-BE-FRIEND-HOPEFULLY-PLEASE-ILOVEYOU-OKAYBYE 

Why my, its a BUTTERFLY in my stomach because WOWEEE I HAVE A FRIEND!!! 
            That's a lie, I have plenty of friends, just ask my mum 
            
            HELLO MY DEAREST OF DEAR FRIENDS!! I'm so amazingly surprised with ur presence! I love it!! How did u find me fellow chicken lover! (Just because I stole ur words doesn't mean I'm not original) 
            ...
            (Okay maybe it does) 
            Where was I? 
            I don't know 
            
            I'm hot, I've got a blanket draped around me. 
            
            Well My happiness levels are as high as how much this didn't make sense (ALOT!) 
            Enjoy ur day kind lady. Goodbye! Speak soon yes yes? 

You're right, everybody's bedtime IS 10! And that's why We should demand a change. This is an outrage! We must find the justice of peace and rise together! For we, Moody teenagers that want more time for ourselves, are not selfish, and we deserve the best!! So let us ri- 
            
            Actually I like having my bedtime at ten. It gives me a reason to go to bed. And that is important kids because that is the only place I can Wattpad in peace. Besides the toilet. 
            
            P.S- what do you mean HAD?!!?! You still have them right? Don't tell me you did the unthinkable: ... Are you waiting for the unthinkable? Because I cant give it to you. It unthinkable. 

*hands you the most deliciously moist and SQUIDGY Nutella cheesecake timtam milkshake flavoured ice cream ever imaginable, with the tightest hug possible, and the widest smile manageable* 
            
            You. Are. TOTALLY Awesome