[devilish]

ameriCAN but ameriSHOULDN’T

Patrochilles4Life until death
          
          like, how people didn't ship them?!
          
          IT'S OBVIOUS AND THEY THINK THAT THE BOTH WERE COUSINS BECAUSE OF THAT DUMB MOVIE

i hate it when middle aged boomers look at me wearing a large baggy t-shirt and ask me if i’m wearing shorts under it. are you fucking stupid

sorry i didn’t text you back, i was pretending i didn’t see it and i ended up actually forgetting

is canada even real? the whole country is a fucking theme park

i hate myself but i’m the only person allowed to hate me because i’m fucking spectacular

ducks? oh, you mean all-terrain chickens.

birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let’s do it, let’s go hurtling straight into a sliding glass door and die

naps are the human fast forward button

I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY DAD’S GIRLFRIEND’S ROOM
          
          KILL ME
          
          SHOOT ME IN THE FUCKING FACE
          
          uuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhh
          
          see you guys in therapy