I am 20 and trying hard to adult, all my life I suspected that I wouldn't like it at all. Unfortunately I was correct, when I told everyone that it would not be so great in the real world. Finding inspiration without it constantly draining into nothing, like the bank account of a part time worker. So yeah life is not what I expected, but I will always believe that there is a reason behind those things. 
Losing people closest to you when you need them to hold you the most. When the rain starts to make you feel happier than the sun, which definitely isn't normal for me. None of this is, I am on average a super peppy outgoing person. However the since the year I graduated till  even 2020 I haven't really felt true happiness. My question is, would that be considered depression or something else? I was finally getting better then a wave of loss came, it sent me straight back into that spiral of emptiness.  I have an amazing boyfriend who has stuck through all of this with me. Anyway God bless, I don't discriminate anyone for whatever you believe, whoever you love, or what choice you make in life. I am only here to make others happy, or at least try too in these hard times.